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UEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th St„ New York 



€4 



READY MONEY" 



A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS ^/ 

BY 
JAMES MONTGOMERY 



Revised, 1920, by James Montgomery 
Copyright, 1920, by Samuel French 



All rights reserved 



CAUTION : All persons are hereby warned that "Ready- 
Money" being fully protected under the copyright laws 
of the United States is subject to royalty, and anyone 
presenting the play without the consent of the owner 
or his agents, will be liable to the penalties by law pro"- 
vided. Applications for stage rights must be made tO' 
Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th St., New York. 



New York: 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 

28-30 West 38th Street 



London : 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd: 

26 Southampton Street 

Strand 






Especial notice should be taken that the possession of this 
book without a valid contract for production first hav- 
ing been obtained from the publisher confers no right 
or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the 
play publicly or in private for gain or charity. 

In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading 
public only and no performance of it may be given 
except by special arrangement with Samuel French, 
28-30 West Thirty-eighth Street, New York City. 

Section 28 — That any person who wilfully or for profit 
shall infringe any copyright secured by this act, or 
who shall knowingly and wilfully aid or abet such in- 
fringement, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, 
and upon conviction shall be punished by imprison- 
ment for not exceeding one year, or by a fine or not 
less than one hundred nor more than one thousand 
dollars, or both, in the discretion of the court. 

Act of March 4, 1909. 



'©CID 55835 

OCT 21 1920 




CAST OF CHARACTERS 

Stephen Baird, Owner of ''Sky Rocket" Mine. 
William Stewart^ of '"The Garden Estates" Co, 
Sidney Rosenthal, of "The Equality Insurance 

Cor 
Sam Welch, a Millionaire's Son. 
Sumner Holbrook, a Broker. 
James E. Morgan. Ozvner of "Snfetv" Mino. 
Hon. John H. Tyler, a Retired Business Man, 
Jackson Ives, an International Character. 
Captain West, U. S. Secret Service. 
Hammond, U. S. S. S. 
QuiNN, U. S. S. S. 
Flynn, U. S. S. S. 
Neil, Welch's Man-Servant. 
Paul, Maitre d' Hot el. 
Reddy, Office Boy. 
Miss Grace Tyler 
Miss Ida Tyler 
Mrs. John Tyler 
Miss Margaret Elliott 



NOTE TO STAGE MANAGER 

Work up the general entrance in Act I, by 
keeping in mind the enthusiasm of New Year's 
Eve. This entrance has always received a round 
of applause when worked up. 

The boys at the end of Act I must be careful not 
to burlesque it. They must put in their $3,000, 
$4,000, and $5,000 dead seriously but with sup- 
pressed excitement and joy at being let in on such 
a winner. The scene starts with Rosenthal's "My 
God, Look !" Wait for that laugh and then build 
to your curtain. 



4 



"Ready Money" 



ACT I 



Time: 11.15, Nezv Years Eve. 

Place : Welch's Apartment, Fifth Avenue, New 

York City. 
Discovered : iiw/jfj; room; Telephone hell rings. 

Neil. (Enter l. 1. Welch's man-servant. Irish- ,: 
American, about 45 years old, dignified mxinner. 
Enters from room R. 1st and ccmies to table center. 
Lifts desk phone) Hello ! Yes, who is talking, 
please ? Oh, vcs, sir, I'll call Mr. Welch. Hold the 
line, please, sir. 

(^Welch enters l. i as Neil is telephoning. A 
young m^an of about 2y years, a millionaire's son. 
Well bred, confident manner. Evening clothes) 

Welch. What is it, Neil? 

Neil. Mr. Rosenthal, sir. 

Welch. (Takes phone from Neilj Hello, Sid- 
ney — yes — come right down. (Looks at^ clock on 
mantel) It's eleven fifteen. Come right upstairs, f 
all of you. The ladies are to leave their wraps in 
my rooms. All right, good-bye. (Hangs tip re- 
ceiver. On the table are eight small jewelry boxes, 
placed in a circle. Picks up a sheet of paper which 
is in center of circle, looks at it and passes paper 
to Neilj Read those names aloud, Neil. (Puts 
finger on hex at left end of circle) 

5 



6 "READY MONEY" 

Neil. (Reads from paper) Mrs. Tyler. /Welch 
as each name is mentioned touches top of box 
representing the person named) Mr. Tyler, Mrs. 
Tyler, Miss Elliott, Mr. Rosenthal, Miss Tyler, Mr. 
Stewart, Miss Grace Tyler, Mr. Baird. 

Welch. That's all right. If anyone calls for 
me after we leave, tell them I'm downstairs. 

Neil. Yes, sir. 

Welch. We'll be up shortly after twelve. 

Neil. Yes, sir. 

Welch. Did you send for Paul? 

Neil. (Indicates outer hall, up r. center) He's 
right here, sir. (Calls Paul) 

Paul. (Head waiter, a Frenchman, enters as 
Neil calls; up r. upper) Bon soir, Monsieur. 

Welch. (Pointing to jewelry boxes) See here, 
you understand? 

Paul. Parfaitement. 

Welch. (Picks up list of names) There's the 
list. Around in that order. Do you understand? 
Is everything all right? 

Paul. Everything is as you ordered — ze flow- 
ers — violets for ze ladies' corsage. Ze gardenia for 
ze gentlemen. Ah, wait till you see the table your- 
self. 

Welch. That's fine. (Takes cards from table) 
Here are the cards. And you take these. (Picks 
up one box, opens it, shows it to Paulj . See — the 
guard rings for the ladies? 

Paul. Oh, c'est tres joli. 

Welch. (Picks up another box, opens it, and 
shows it to PaulJ And the cuff links for the 
gentlemen. 

Paul. Oui, Monsieur. C'est magnifique. 

Welch. Can Neil help you ? 

Paul. No, monsieur. I can manage. (Picks 
up jewelry boxes) 



"READY MONEY" 7 

Neil. (Brings down a large box) Here's the 
box they came in, sir. 

Welch. Yes, put them in here. (Hands Paul 
a larger box to contain them and helps to put in 
smaller boxes) 

Paul. Merci, tres bien. (Puts small boxes into 
larger box) 

Welch. (Plant this speech) (Handing him 
list) You better keep this, and if Mr. Baird 
should not be at the table put Miss Grace Tyler 
between her mother and her father. 

Paul. (Takes list from Welch and reads it) 
Oui, Monsieur. 

Welch. The door, Neil. ^Paul goes to exit 
R. u. Welch speaks as he is up to door r. v.) 
Are you going to be crowded to-night, Paul ? 

Paul. Very . . . Very. 

Welch. You may sell my table after I leave it. 

Paul. Marci bien, Monsieur. (Exits) (Paul 
closes door after him) 

Welch. Neil, the ladies are to leave their wraps 
in the corner room. (Indicating r. i. Feels Quickly 
in vest pocket) And what did you do with that 
check I gave you? 

Neil. I put it in your pocket, sir. 

Welch. (Takes check from pocket : looks at it) 
Ah ! I wouldn't want to lose that. (Reads check) 
(Puts check in vest pocket) 

Neil. No, sir. 

Welch. (Indicates circulars and envelopes on 
the table) (Plant this speech) Neil, please make 
a neat parcel of this mining Hterature and envelopes 
and have it sent down to Mr. Baird's office. 

Neil. Yes, sir. (DOOR BELL) 

Welch. Let me know who it is. /^Neil exits 
R. u. Welch fills cigarette case up at left table. 
Sings or whistles) 



8 "READY MONEY" 

Neil. (Re-entering) (Stand at door R. v.) 
Mr. Holbrook, sir. 
Welch. (Calls) Come in, Sumner. 

f Sumner Holbrook, a man of 35 years, evening 
clothes, hat — ENTERS as Welch calls to him) 

Holbrook. (Meets Welch center in front of 
table and shakes hands) Hello, Sam. f Neil exits 
n. V.) 

Welch. Hello, sit down. 

Holbrook. Can't stay but a minute. Have you 
a party on to-night? 

Welch. Yes. 

Holbrook. Where? 

Welch. Downstairs. 

Holbrook. What are you doing up here? 

Welch. Waiting for them. (Stands in front 
'Of table ) 

Holbrook. Oh, I was going to ask you to join 
my party. I've got a great little girl for you. A 
crowd of live ones. Have you any girls? 

Welch, ^r. of table) Oh, yes, the Tyler girls, 
they are bringing down the old folks to see the 
celebration at twelve o'clock. We've all been up 
there: Rosenthal, Miss Elliott, Stewart. They'll'be 
here any minute now. Em giving them a little 
party. I came down ahead to see if I could find 
Sieve Ba'rd. Have you seen him around to-night f 

Holbrook. No. 

Welch. We expected him up at the Tyler's. 
He should be here anyway. He promised. I have- 
n't seen him since last evening. He's been staying 
with me for over a week. Em a little worried about 
him. 

Holbrook. I've been looking for him myself, 
that's one reason why I came up here. I'd like to 



"READY MONEY" 9 

^ask you something. (Goes to left of table and turns 
'^hair so as to face Welch across table) 

Welch. (Sits l. of table) About Steve? What 
is it, anything wrong? 

HoLBROOK. (At right of table) I hope not. 
You know, Welch, that I bought twenty-five hun- 
dred shares of his Skyrocket Stock at a dollar. 
Thafs twenty-five hundred dollars. 

Welch. Well, what of it. 

HoLBROOK. That was over five months ago, and 
the stock isn't even listed yet. I can't get any 
satisfaction out of Baird and I thought as long as 
you knew him so well you might be able to tell 
me something. Have you faith in his mine? 

Welch. Sky Rocket? Oh, yes — ifs all right. 

HoLBROOK. Do you object to my asking you if 
you have bought any stock? 

Welch. No, I haven't. 

HoLBROOK. You've faith in it, but no money in 
it? You say it's all right, but I notice you've been 
mighty careful to keep out of it, I wish I'd known 
that before. 

Welch. I'm sorry I told you, then. I'm a pal 
•of Steve's, and if people knew I hadn't bought any 
of his stock it might look as if there was something 
wrong, and that isn't the reason at all. 

HoLBROOK. What is it? 

Welch. You know my father is very wealthy? 

HoLBROOK. Yes. 

Welch, I'll get all that some day, but I want 
"to be a success by my own endeavor. He's done 
everything for me, he's let me have all the money 
1 want and more. (Takes out check, rises, crosses 
back of table and holds check for Holbrook to 
read) Ihis is his New Year's gift. A check for 
ien thousand dollars. I've speculated away five 
times that amount and have nothing to show for it, 



10 "READY MONEY" , 

but I've made up my mind to redeem myself with 
this check or never take another dollar from him.. 
. , . I'll put money into an investmcyJ ... a 
business, but not into a speculation. On the other 
hand,, if Sky Rocket ever turned out to be a pro- 
ducing mine and I saw results, I'd dump this whole 
thing into it so quick you couldn't see it. But if I 
felt like you do, if I was scared of it, I'd sell it.. 
(To chair l. and sit) 

HoLBROOK. Where? Don't you suppose I've 
tried to? I'd let it go at a loss. But (picks up 
prospectus) no one wants it at any price. There's 
no development being made. Who's out in Arizona 
in charge of the mine? (looking at circular) 

Welch. The same fellow, Mike Reardon. He's, 
one of the best engineers in the country. 

HoLBROOK. I wish he'd prove it to me, and find 
some gold. (Rises and turns up stage) If you 
hear of anything, let me know, will you ? 

Welch. Yes. 

HoLBROOK. (Returns to right of table) Oh, by 
the way, Sam, who's that big man Fve seen around 
with Baird lately f 

Welch. I know who you mean. A Mr. Jackson 
Ives. He's taken a great liking to Steve. I figure 
he's going to buy some stock. (Buzzer) He can't 
have any other reason for hang^ing around all the 
time. He's been looking for Steve to-night. 

(Note to Stage Manager: This entrance should 
be carefully rehearsed to show the youthful 
enthusiasfn of New Year's Eve. Everyone 
should laugh and entrance should get a round of 
applause. General chatter to indicate that 
Neil has opened the outside door) 

Mr: Tyler. (Outside) Good evening, Neil. 
Rosenthal. (Outside) Welch here? 



"READY MONEY" ir 

Margy. (Outside) (Laughs) 
Ida. (Outside) We must hurry, Billy. 
Welch. There's the folks now ; you know every- 
one. Stay here a minute. 

(General entrance. Mrs. Tyler. Mr. Tyler, Miss 
Grace Tyler, Miss Ida Tyler, Miss Mar- 
garet Elliott, Sidney Rosenthal, William 
Stewart. ENTER in order speaking, keep- 
ing up the general chatter and enthusiasm at- 
tending a New York's New Year's Eve party. 
General greeting to Holbrook^ etc. All speak 
lines together) 

Mrs. Tyler. (Down to Welch l., 45 years — 
coat, lace — sees Holbrookj Why, Sumner, I had 
no idea you were going to be here. Oh, the noise 
on the street is fearful. 

Rosenthal. (Dozvn r., 28 years old — evening 
dress, hat) (Speaking while Mr. Tyler is speak- 
ing) Wait until twelve o'clock. They're not mak- 
ing any noise now. 

Mr. Tyler, (^o years — coat, evening dress — 
speaks as he enters) Where do they all come from? 

Ida. (Entering, r. u.J Hello, Sumner. Oh, 
mother, I looked into the dining room. It is 
splendid. 

Margy. (Enters r. u. Greets Holbrook. To 
Rosenthal^ (Speaks at same time as Idaj I 
can't wait to shout "Happy New Year." 

Grace. (^24 years — evening dress, coat, no hat) 
(Enters and walks straight to Welch. Chatter 
should last until she reaches him) Is Mr. Baird 
here, Sam ? 

All. (VERY IMPORTANT for building pur- 
poses and to show the youthful excitement over 
New Year's Eve) Where is he? 



12 "READY MONEY" 

Stewart. (Enters and goes directly back of 
table) Where's Steve, Sam? 

All. Sh . . . sh. (To Stewart, to indicate 
that Welch is about to tell) 

Mrs. Tyler. Well? (After Welch hesitates) 

Welch. (Defending Baird and telling a white 
lie) He had an important business engagement. 

All. (Disappointed) Oh. 

Mrs. Tyler, (c.) Very strange, however, bear- 
ing in mind the fact that he has not transacted 
any business the entire year, this is his last oppor- 
tunity. 

Welch. (Looking at watch — trying to silence 
Mrs. Tyler j I don't want to hurry you, but it is 
nearly eleven thVtv- 

All. Oh ! Don't let us be late. We want to be 
there to see everyone come in. (General chatter) 
(Ad. lib.) 

Welch. Neil, show the ladies where to put their 
wraps. 

Rosenthal. I'll show them. Come, Margy. 
(Takes Margy right ist) 

Miss Elliott. This way, Ida. (Exits with 
Rosenthal r. iJ 

Stewart. (Takes Ida's left hand) I'll take care 
•of her. 

Ida. (Pulls Stewart toward r. ij 

Stewart. (To HolbrookJ Sumner, are you 
going to be with us? 

HoLBROOK. No, no. 

Stewart. I'll see you anyway. 

HoLBROOK. Oh, yes. 

Ida. Hurry, Billy. (Pulls Stewart while he is 
saying "Fll see you," to door r. i) 

Stewart. I'm right with you. I'll hurry, then, 
Sam. (Ida and Stewart exit i. r., closing door) 

Welch. Thank you, Billy. 



"READY MONEY" 13 

Grace. (Anicious to get away) We must hurry, 
mother — father. (Crosses in front of her mother 
to R. istj 

Mr. Tyler. Yes, dear. (Up at buffet with 
Welch, who went up on ''Thank you, Billy" ) 

Mrs. Tyler. (To Grace, who is to her right) 
Wait, Grace. (To HolbrookJ Sumner! Have 
you seen Mr. Stephen Baird to-night? 

HoLBROOK. (Comes down from hack of table to 
left as Mrs. Tyler says, Sumner! J No, Mrs. 
Tyler. 

Mrs. Tyler. (To Grace) It's disgraceful. Do 
you suppose I would have married your father,, 
had he neglected me in this way? 

Grace. (Goes to mother r. c, indicating Hol- 
BROOKJ Mother, please. 

Mrs. Tyler. I want Sumner to hear; he under- 
stands. Where is your pride ? Do you suopose ^ou^ 
little sister would calmly allow Mr. Stewart to 
desert her on New Year's Eve? She has some 
spirit. What do you think people will say? 

Grace. Those who have good taste will say 
nothing. Especially to me. 

Mrs. Tyler. Grace! 

Mr. Tyler. (Coming down R. from buffet) 
Grace, you must not say sharp things. Tt is a fault 
I have to correct in your mother. 

Mrs. Tyler. (Turning on him) You go and 
find the young men and ask them where you are 
to put your hat and coat. 

Mr. Tyler. (^Welch comes down r. to Hol~ 
BROOK J Yes, mv dear. ( Exit r.i) 

HoLEROOK. (As Welch comes down, shakes h's 
head to indicate his dislike for a family quarrel, 
and shortly walks up to door r. u. ) 

Mrs. Tyler. (To Welch) Did vou say Mr^ 
Baird had a BUSINESS ENGAGEMENT? 



14 "READY MONEY" 

Grace. (Anxious to defend Steve; Yes, you 
said that, didn't you, Sam? 

Mrs. Tyler. (Turns on GraceJ One moment^ 
please. (To Welch; Where? 

Welch. I don't know. 

Mrs. Tyler. Urn. Grace, unless Mr. Baird is 
nt the table to-night I forbid any further friendship 
between you. (^ Grace stands motionless. Welch 
■coughs) 

Mrs. Tyler. (Turns on Welch; Have you a 
cold? 

Welch. Oh, no, I have been coughing like that 
all evening. 

Mrs. Tyler. Oh, have you? 

HoLBROOK. (Embarrassed, up near c. D.; / 
must get along. I'll visit your table, if I may. 

Mrs. Tyler. (Goes to Holbrook near door) 
We wish you to. I'm sorry you're not in our 
party; Grace will miss you. (^ Welch during this 
speech walks over to Grace, pats her on the back 
and returns left) 

Grace (As her m^other goes up to Holbrook, 
crosses center ai:d sits on settee in front of the 
table) 

HoLEROOK. See you all later. 

Welch. Good-bye, Sumner. 

Holbrook. So-long. (Exit r. u.; f Grace has 
been trying to hold back her tears, determined not 
to allow Holbrook to see the effect of mother's 
words. As \^^ELCH pats her on the back and 
Holbrook exits she wipes the tears from her 
eyes ) 

Mrs. Tyler. ^Mrs. Tyler comes down, looks 
closely at Grace, and sees her crying) There, now 
you are going to spoil my entire evening by crying. 
A cheerful attitude to assume on New Year's Eve. 
(To Welch; Do we wear our wraps at the table? 



"READY MONEY" i5 

Welch. The ladies are in the corner room, 
Mrs. Tyler. ^ _ 

Mrs. Tyler. (With change of manner) Come, 
Grace, dear, you must hurry, petty. You've delayed 
us five minutes already. Pardon us, Mr. Welch. 
(Speaks speech as she crosses with arm around 
Grace, turn at door to say 'Tar don us, Mr. Welch/' 
Be sure to close door) (They exit l. 2J 

Welch. Certainly. (Goes up to buffet and 
takes a drink) (PAUSE) fRosENTHAL and 
Stewart enter l. i j 

Rosenthal. (Earnest tone of voice, very con- 
cerned) Where's Steve, Samf 

Welch. (Irritated) (Comes down left) I 

don't know. 

Stewart, (c) (Same tone) Isn't he coming? 

V^elcb. How do you suppose / know! I'm not 
his keeper. 

Stewart. What will Grace think? I thought 
you'd hdiYQ Steve here. Good Lord. 

Welch. (Angry) Well, I invited him, didn't 
I? He promised he'd be here. If he wants to 
break his word to me, that lets me out. I'm^ not 
expected to hunt all over town for him. This is 
the last party I'll ever try to give. I'm cured. I 
don't care whether he comes or not. (Walks up 
left) 

Stewart. (Looks at watch. Crosses center) 
He's got fifteen minutes yet. (Sits in front of 
small bench) 

Welch. (Comes down hopeful) 

Rosenthal. He's not coming. (Pause at right 
end of table) Didn't you fellows know why Steve 
isn't here? 

Welch. Certainly I know. Because he broke 
liis word to me and didn't come, that's why. 

Rosenthal. No, it isn't, Sam. And you know 



i6 "READY MONEY" 

better than that, too, Billy. I'll tell you why Steve 
isn't here. 

Welch. (Turns down) Why? 

Rosenthal. Because it's New Year's Eve. 

Welch. What has that to do with it? 

Rosenthal, f r. of table) A lot. It is Ne^y 
Year's Eve, and everyone is happy and hopeful. 
And his three pals, we three fellows here, ^re par- 
ticularly successful at the beginning of this year. 
(Tap table with knuckles j, to knock wood. Look 
out for laugh) And I want to tell the boys that 
Steve is not here because he is broke and unhappy 
and he's not made a success of things lately, and 
I'll bet he's staying away because he feels ashamed 
to mix in with us. 

Welch. You really don't mean that. 

Rosenthal. I certa'nly do. 

Stewart. (To Welch, sitting on- settee) I be- 
lieve Sidney's right, Sam. 

Rosenthal. I know I'm right, and I'm sorry 
I didn't trail him along and drag him here. 

Welch. W^ell, why didn't you? 

Rosenthal. (Crosses r.) I didn't think of 
it. 

Welch. (Turns away l.) You never think of 
anything. 

Stewart. That's what it is, Sam. Steve knew 
about that ten thousand dollar check your father 
sent you and he knew Sidney and I were to get our 
commission to-day. Oh, we didn't tell you up at 
Tyler's, did we? 

Welch. What? 

Stewart. Flash, Sidney! (Rosenthal takes 
check from pocket) (^Stewart takes check from 
pocket, rises and shows it to Welch j 

Welch. (Reading) Seven thousand dollars! 

Stewart. Commissions for the year. I sold that: 



"READY JMONEY" 17 

triangle at Mineola. That was my biggest deal. 
(^Rosenthal pushes Stewart up stage a little) Sid- 
ney beat me a thousand at that. 

Rosenthal. (Pushes Stewart back slightly. 
Holds check for Welch to read) The Chief called 
me into the front office and handed me this. Not 
so awful bad? 

Welch. Ei.^ht thousand dollars ! Well, I should' 
say not. Good boy, Sid. 

Stewart. (In the middle, looking at check) 

Rosenthal. I haven't written a policy for less- 
than five thousand dollars in six months. You know 
that runs into real money. This is the first year I've 
been able to let it lay. Margy's tickled to death,, 
isn't she, Billy? (Arm around Stewart) And! 
say, Ida's mighty proud of you, too. 

Stewart. She ought to be. 

Rosenthal. That's what you ought to have, 
Sam. A girl — a girl who is watching you and who 
is proud of you when you do something. I can't 
tell you what a wonderful thing that is. You tell 
him, Billy (as Stewart starts to tell Welch^ 
Rosenthal pulls him back) No, let him find out 
for himself. 

Welch. (Takes out his check) It's a funny 
world, boys ; we've got twenty-five thousand dollars 
between us, to start the new year, and Steve hasn't' 
a dollar. 

Stewart. (Looking at his check) It takes a 
smarter man than Steve to sell mining stock. Peo- 
ple want something safer than speculation. (Puts 
check away in vest pocket) 

Rosenthal. (Looking at check) That's right, 
Sam, Steve ought to get into some other business — 
not so much a business as a profession. He seems 
to lack the business punch. (Puts away check in- 
vest pocket) 



i8 "READY MONEY" 

Welch. Maybe you're right. (Puts away check 
in vest pocket) (ENTER Miss Ida Tyler r. i — 
Stewart goes to her) 

Ida. Billy ! . Can you see any powder an my 
nose? 

Stewart. No! 

Rosenthal. (Center) Does your sister feel bad 
about SteA^e's not being here? 

Ida. Yes. 

Rosenthal, ^l. c.) Don't worry. He'll have 
an excuse, and a good one. 

Ida. I'm afraid it will have to be to satisfy 
mother and father. 

Miss Elliott. (Enters R. i, zvith Rosenthal''s 
hat. Goes to Rosenthal, speaking as she crosses) 
I brought you your hat, Sidney. You always have 
to run out and .find the car. 

Rosenthal. (To Welch J Thank you, Margy. 
Do you see that? 

Stewart. Ida wouldn't bring my hat. 

Ida. Why not? 

Stewart. Oh, I know. ... (To others) Since 
Christmas she's been a suffragette. A girl sent her 
a hook : ''What Eight Million Women Want/' 

Ida. It is a very wonderful book, it expresses my 
sentiments exactly. If I thought you wanted your 
old hat I should have brought it to you, as you 
would bring mine ; we are equal. 

Mr. Tyler. (Entering r. ij It is a very repre- 
hensible fact, but it is absolutely impossible to make 
a woman hurry. (Stand near door) 

Ida. Why should a man make a woman do any- 
thing? 

Mr. Tyler. You've been reading that book 
again? I don't know what has happened to my 
daughters. 

Welch. (Has moved to hack of table) What 



"READY MONEY" 19 

is if that 8,000,000 women "want? Do you know, 
Mr. Tyler? 

Mr. Tyler. Good Lord, I don'^t know what one 
ivoman wants, let alone eight million. (Sits ex- 
ireme R. below door) 

Rosenthal. I'm going- to find out one at a time. 
(Arm around Margyj 

Mr. Tyler. And then you'll be wrong. 

Ida. (Calling off r. i) We are all waiting for 
you, Mother. 

Grace. (Entering r. 1) She'll be here directly. 
(To Welch, zvho takes her hand) 

Ida. Don't worry, Grace. 

Mrs. Tyler. (Enters and to c.) Are you wait- 
ing for me? 

All. Are we? 

Mr. Tyler. Are we? 

Miss Elliott. (Rises) Now are we all ready? 

All. Yes. 

Stewart. Wait a minute. 

All. What is it? 

Stewart. I'd better have my hat, too! (Exit 
^. 1) 

All. Oh ! 

Neil. (Enters R. u. Goes left and busies him- 
self at desk left upper) 

Mrs. Tyler. (To Mr. TylerJ If you want to 
get anything, get it now. 

Mr. Tyler. I've been ready for an hour. 

Stewart. (Re-enters r. 1) Come on, Ida. 
(Takes Ida^s hand and exits r. v.) 

Welch. (To Neil r. of sideboard) Neil, if 
Mr. Baird comes in, tell him where we are, and to 
come down at once. 

All. Oh, yes. 

Mrs. Tyler. Um ! Perhaps we should come up 
Mere for him. (To Xylerj Come! 



20 ''READY MONEY" 

Mr. Tyler. Are you sure you're ready? 

Mrs. Tyler. (Speaks as she exits R. u.j Grace! 
Marjory ! 

Mr. Tyler. (Speaks as he exits r. v.) Grace! 
Marjory ! 

Grace. (Earnestly, to Welch j Won't you ask 
Neil to let us know if Stephen comes in? 

Rosenthal. That's it, Fit come up here for him. 

Welch. All right, let us know at once, Neil! 

Neil. Yes, sir. 

Rosenthal. (Has crossed right with Margy 
when called by Mrs. TylerJ Come, Margy, you 
take Grace. Sam, here's a chance for you to cut 
Steve out. 

Margy. (Arm around Grace J Sidney! 

Rosenthal. Well, Steve gives her the oppor- 
tunity. 

Welch. Well, you'll never give Margy any op- 
portunity. She never gets a chance to find out 
whether she would like some other man or not. 

Rosenthal. No. And she's never going to get 
a chance, either. I know a fellow who lost a great 
little girl doing that. (Exit r. u.' with Margy | 

Welch. Look after things, Neil. Now, don't 
you worry, Grace ; Steve will be here. We may 
find him downstairs. (Continues talking as he 
takes Grace ojf) 

Grace. Oh, I do hope so, Sam. 

Neil. (Pause^PHONE BELLI (Starts to 
make a bundle of circulars) Hello. Yes, sir. No, 
Mr. Ives, he hasn't come in yet. Yes, sir, I'll let 
you know. (Door buzzer. Neil exits R. v.) 

Morgan. (In hall) Hello, Neil. 

Neil. Good evening, Mr. Morgan. 

Morgan. (A multi-mjillionaire . Owner of Safety 
Mine — evening dress, fur coat — 45 years old, en- 
ters) Mr. Welch in? 



"READY MONEY" 21 

Neil. (^l. of table) He just left, Mr. Morg-an 
— ^}^ou must have passed him in the elevator. 

Morgan. (Down right) Baird here? 

Neil. No, sir, 

Morgan. Has he been here to-night? 

Neil. Not to-ni^ht, Mr. Morgan. 

Morgan. He's stopping here, isn't he? 

Neil. Yes, sir, but he hasn't been in since last 
evening. 

Morgan. Tell Baird I called. 

Neil. Yes, sir. 

Morgan. Tell him I had to leave town yester- 
day. Tell him, will you, that I didn't get his note 
until to-nig^ht? 

Neil. Yes, sir. 

Morgan. Do that, please. 

Neil. I will, sir. (^Morgan starts to go) 

('Stephen Baird^ a young man, 28 years old — sack 
suit, short overcoat — hat, enters r. u. Baird's 
mental attitude is very important. He is a 
failure — he has no money or prospects, he is 
discouraged and sore on the ivorld at large, 
he is alternately bitter and gentle. He is of the 
nature that gets amusement by making a joke 
of his condition and himself. Enters r. u. — 
does not remove hat) 

Morgan. (As he turns to go sees Steve. Very 
surprised) Hello, Baird. 

Steve. Good evening, Mr. Morgan. (Shakes 
hcmds — sees Neilj Hello, Neil. 

Neil. Good evening, Mr. Steve. 

Morgan. I was just looking for you. 

Steve. I expected you last evening. 

Morgan. I had to go to Poughkeepsie. 

Steve. (Goes down right near r. ij I had to 
do that once. 



22 "READY MONEY" 

Morgan. Didn't get your note until to-night. I 
was just telling Neil. 

Neil. (Anxious to affirm it) Yes, sir, he just 
told me. 

Steve. I believe it — I believe it. (Pause. Looks 
at Morgan and NeilJ HAPPY NEW YEAR. 

Morgan. (Laughs) It isn't time yet. 

Steve. What time is it ? 

Morgan. (Looking at watch) Twenty-five 
minutes to twelve. 

Steve. That's near enough for me. I want to 
be first in something. (Crosses to Neil, who is left) 

Morgan. Thank you, same to you. 

Steve. (Crosses l.) You're in on that, too^. 
Neil. 

Neil, (l.) Thank you, Mr. Steve. Mr. Welch 
wants you to go right downstairs, sir. 

Steve. (Takes off coat, hands coat and hat to 
Neil J I'm not going. Here, thank you. 

Neil. Mr. Ives called up and wanted me to 
phone him when you came in, no matter how late 
it was. 

Steve. All right, do that. ^Neil exits r. u. 
to tell Grace of Baird^s arrival) Won't you sit 
down, Mr. Morgan? 

Morgan. (Sits r. of table) I can talk to you 
a few minutes. I want to look in on some friends 
at twelve. Aren't you coming down! 

Steve. No. (Sits left of table) 

Morgan. W^hy not? All your friends will be 
down there, won't they? 

Steve. That's why I'm not going. W^hat right 
have I to associate with a lot of successful fellows ? 
I've had my supper. I've been over on Eighth 
Avenue eating "a regular supper." Everything in 
the world for thirty cents. That's where / belong. 
This is the one night in the year I hate. 



"READY MONEY" 23 

Morgan. You mustn't say that. 

Steve. I mean it. To me New Year's Eve is a 
joke. January first — the beginning of a Nezu Year. 
Why don't they start it on April ist? 

Morgan. You're blue. 

Steve. You bet I am. Let's have a drink. 
(Calls) Neil! 

Morgan. No, thanks ! 

Steve. Just one. It's my last. That's going to 
by my one New Year's resolution. Not another 
drink for six months. 

Morgan. I'll drink to that. 

Steve. I mean it, too. (Calls) Neil! (Pause) 
Where did he go to? I'll get it myself. (Goes up 
to buffet and brings dozvn a tray zvith decanter, 
siphon, ice, and glasses. Speaks as he comes down 
with tray) I'll come to this sooner or later, I 
might as well get used to it now. Shall I help you? 

Morgan. Thrr:)^'^. 

Steve. (Pours drink for j^TorganJ Say whent 

Morgan. (Watches) When. Thank you, 
f Steve pours his ozun drink. Pours a large drink) 
(Watches him) Wh'^n ! AVhen ! 

Steve. Right now ! Th:s minute. (Lifts glass) 

Morgan. Six months, now, remember that ! 

Steve. I'll remember it. (Both drink. Steve 
tastes drink, puts it down) It won't be hard to 
keep away from that. (Sits l. of table) 

Morgan. (Pause) How are things going? 

Steve. Very badly. 

Morgan. Are you walking on thin ice? 

Steve. Thin ice? I'm walking on water. 

Morgan. You shouldn't be discouraged. You've 
got a lot to be thankful for. 

Steve. (Looks at MorganJ There's another 
day. Thanksgiving, I hate that, too. And Merry 
Christmas ; and I'm not crazy about the 4th of July. 



24 "REJ^JY :V" 

Morgan. Do you know there are a lot of fel- 
lows who envy you? 

Steve. You don't envy me, do you? 

Morgan. No. 

Steve. You bet you don't ; you're a smart man. 
What do they want that I have? 

Morgan. Oh, a lot of things ; your good looks, 
youth, your health, your friends, your entree into 
society, manner, breeding, all that. 

Steve. All right, I'll give it to them. I'd rather 
be' rough and rich. I'm leading a hand to mouth 
existence and my arm is getting longer every day. 
I've heard a lot about poverty being a great thing ; 
it is, it's a great inconvenience, but I'll tell you one 
thing ; if I ever get any money, if I ever get my 
foot in the door, I'm going to be the meanest man 
in the world. 

Morgan. Oh, no, you won't. 

Steve. I know I won't. I'll never get any 
money. The only way I'll ever get any money is 
to be a messenger for a bank and carry some to an 
express office ; followed by nine detectives. 

Morgan. You're a wonderful young man, Baird. 

Steve. I wonder why they always say that to a 
fellow who is a failure? It's wonderful he's alive, 
I suppose. 

Morgan. What did you want to see me for 
last night? 

Steve. You have a note of mine that is due 
January second. There's another reason why I 
don't like the New Year. 

Morgan. Well, what do you want to do about 
It? Can you pay it? 

Steve. Twenty thousand dollars? I couldn't 
pay it if it was twenty dollars. I wanted to ask you 
if you could extend it. 

Morgan. I can't do that. Although the note is 



"READY MONEY" 25 

made out to me it is really carried by the Safety 
Mining- Company; and they will not extend it. 
Steve. What are you going- to do, take the mine? 
Morgan. There is no other -way. The note is 
secured by the deed of the property ; they will have 
to take it in judg-ment. 

Steve. You haven't any faith in Sky Rocket, 
have you ? 

Morgan. As a gold mine it's worthless. 
Steve. But you seem to be perfectly willing to 
pay $20,000 for four acres of worthless land. 

Morgan. I'll tell you why I want that four acres. 
It's right up close to the main shaft on Safety, and 
it's a great location for a smelting plant, and I'm 
going to build some sheds for the miners to live in. 
Steve. My mine's going to be turned into a 
residential district. 

Morgan. In a way, yes. 

Steve. Maybe you can get Carnegie to put a 
library on it. (Pause) So, I've got to lose it, have 
I? 

Morgan. Unless you can raise the money. 
Steve. You know I can't do that. 
Morgan. Haven't you any money at all? 
Steve. Oh, yes, I have some at all. (Takes 
quarter from pocket) That's every cent I've got in 
the world, a quarter. The last week I've been eat- 
ing and sleeping here, that's all right. Welch is 
a prince and I've been thinking that I could pay 
him back. I tried to brace up to-night, but I can't 
brace up on this. 

Morgan. I didn't realize things were that bad. 
Steve. (Pause. Looks at Morgan) Oh, I don't 
tell that to everyone. You've mad6 a lot of money 
out in Arizona, haven't you ? 
Morgan. Yes. 
Steve. How much? 



26 "READY MONEY" 

Morgan. Close on to half a million from the 
Safety mine alone. 

Steve. And I'm a quarter of a mile away from 
you. 

Morgan. Sky Rocket is on the wrong side. 

Steve. I suppose it would be. 

Morgan. The vein starts on Safety and runs 
away from you. 

Steve. But the same vein formation must be on 
both properties. 

Morgan. Well, Reardon hasn't discovered it,, 
has he? 

Steve. No. 

Morgan. The gold isn't there. Your property 
is right at the foot of a hill ; it made a surface show- 
ing, but the ore didn't "run down." It's what we 
call "a slide." 

Steve. The gold slid right over to you? 

Morgan. It looks that way. 

Steve. And now the whole mine and everything 
is going to slide over to you. 

Morgan. Unless you can meet that note I'll have 
to take it. I've got it in my safe at the house. 
I'll get it out. I'm sorry you're short on ready 
money. Will you accept a loan of 500, pay me back 
Avhen you can? What do you say? 

Steve. I might take it for two or three days — 
or years. 

Morgan. All right. I haven't any money with 
me. (Steve is silent) I'll give you a check. Welch 
has some checks, hasn't he? 

Steve. Oh, yes. (Rises, goes to drawer at back 
table) In what Trust Company do you Trust? 

Morgan. Knickerbocker will do. 

Steve. (Looks at check hook) How's the 
Mutual? 

Morgan. That will do. 



"READY MONEY" 27 

Steve. Money in every bank, wonderful. 

Morgan. (Takes check hook) This is his per- 
sonal check. I couldn't use that. 

Steve. Wait a minute. I'll find another. 
(Takes check from A^organ, puts it hack in drawer) 
(Finds another hook, hands it to Morgan J 

Morgan. These are receipts. 

Steve. (Takes it hack, looks in drawer) Oh^ 
excuse me. I'll find one. (To desk L.j 

Morgan. (Looks at watch, rises quickly) Good 
Lord, it's fifteen minutes to twelve. I've got to call 
at three places before midnight. I'll fix you up to- 
morrow. Come on down. 

Steve. No. 

Morgan. (Shakes hands with Steve) Suit 
yourself. Best of luck and a Happy New Year. I'll 
fix you up to-morrow, Baird. Pardon me for tear- 
ing myself away. Good night. (Exit r. u.j 

Steve. I nearly had it. (Pauses. Feels for 
watch-ring pin) Happy New Year. If I only had 
something left I could pawn. 

Neil. (Enters) Mr. Ives says he will be right 
over, sir. f Rosenthal enters as Neil exits) 

Rosenthal. (Goes to Steve and shakes hands 
with him) Hello, Steve. I brought Grace up ; she 
wants to see you. I understand how you feel about 
to-night. I'm sorry things are breaking so badly for 
you. f Grace enters) 

Grace. Stephen. 

Steve. Hello, Grace. (Crosses Rosenthal) 
(Takes her hand) 

Rosenthal. (Comes between them) I'll wait 
outside and smoke a cigarette. (Exit r. u.) 

Grace. We are all downstairs^mother and 
father and all the boys and girls. 

Steve. Yes, I know. 

Grace. We told Neil to let us know when you 



28 "READY MONEY" 

came in. The boys think you have some reason 
for not wanting to join us, and they asked me ..to 
come lip for you. Have you been working hard? 
Sam says you had a business engagement. 

Steve. I did. 

Grace. I hope it turned out well for you. 

Steve. It didn't. 

Grace. Oh, I'd love to have told mother that it 
had. (Down R. and turns) But that doesn't 
matter. How long will it take for you to dress 
and join us? 

Steve. (Goes to Grace dozmi r.) Please don't 
ask me to do that. 

Grace. Oh, Stephen, you don't know how im- 
portant it is for you to be at the table to-night, 
if only for a moment. 

Steve. I know . . . but . . . please excuse 
me. 

Grace. (Speaks hopelessly and earnestly) Steve, 
if you'll come down I'll tell you what we'll do. 
We'll let the others go home in father's and Sjam's 
car and I'll get a taxi and we'll drive all the way 
home together. (Stand for laugh) 

Steve. (Feels in his pocket) I can't do that, 
either. 

Grace. Stephen, what has happened to you? 
You don't seem to realize how these little things 
count. I don't care for myself, but mother and 
father look upon things differently than we do. 
They think that this is neglect. I understand. I 
know you are doing all you can, but just staying 
away from the table to-night gives mother an oppor- 
tunity to criticize you. 

Steve. I don't blame her. She is right. 

Grace. (Hopefully) Then you will join us? 

Steve. No, Grace, I can't do that. 

Grace. All right, Stephen. I don't want you 



"READY MONEY" 29 

to think I am doing- this for any other reason than 
to bring" you to a realization of our position. It is 
the end of the old year. Vm going to work with 
you. Vm going to encourage you to work for me, 
and we are going to begin the New Year back 
where we were six months ago. I want you to take 
this — Stephen, I want you to take back this ring. 
(^Steve takes ring — looks at it closely. Grace 
quickly takes ring away from Stephen) No, I 
cannot hurt you like that. (Stand for laugh) 

Steve. (Slight business as if it had burned his 
fingers) No, please keep it. 

Grace. I will. (Embarrassed) Mother's prob- 
ably getting ready to send uo for me now. 

Rosenthal. (Enters) Well ? 

Grace. It's all right. 

Rosenthal. Good ! Hurry, Steve. 

Grace. Oh, no ! He isn't coming down, but I 
understand why. 

Rosenthal. So do I. I explained it to the boys. 

Steve. (Crosses l. center) ^ You take Grace 
downstairs and leave me alone, and don't spoil 
everything by trying to explain to them. 

Rosenthal. I won't say anythinsr, only they 
won't let you stay up here. Come on. Grace, there's 
no need of our missing the coming in of the New 
Year. So long, Steve. You are going to miss 
some little party. (Exit with Gracej 

Steve. (Pause) 

Rosenthal and Grace. (Outside) Good even- 
ing, Mr. Ives. 

IvES. (Outside) Good evening, good evening. 

Neil. (Pause. Enter IvESJ Mr. Ives. (Take's 
IvES^ coat and hat and puts them up r. on seat) 

(Ives enters, r. u., a man of about 45. Alert, 
dominant manner, evening dress) 



30 "READY MONEY" 

Steve. Good evening, Mr. Ives. 

Ives. Good evening, Stephen. You disappointed 
me to-day, my boy. I missed you. I saw Mr. 
Morgan downstairs. Was he up here? 

Steve. Yes. ' 

Ives. Business ? 

Steve. Yes, for him. 

Ives. Oh ! You're not going to join in the fes- 
tivities to-night? 

Steve. No. 

Ives. Do you know, somehow I thought you 
would not, and I thought you'd come in late and be 
here alone, so I dropped over. Maybe we can 
watch the New Year come in together ; it may bring 
us something. 

Steve. I've got mine. But I'm glad you called. 
Won't you sit down? Will you take some- 
thins^ ? 

Ives. (Sits) No, thanks, but don't let that stop 
you. . . 

Steve. (Sits) ,No, I'm through with it. 

Ives. (Pauses, looks at Steve j Do you know, 
you are a very remarkable young man. f Steve 
looks suddenly at Ives for laugh) You have every 
element of success. 

Steve. Have I ? 

Ives. Yes, indeed! You're a good mixer, you 
belong to all the clubs, you have a manner. 

Steve. That won't get me anything. 

Ives. It will get you everything. . . . You're 
going to be a millionaire one of these days. A 
Vanderbilt: you're a young man who could use 
money. Have you ever thought what you would 
do if you had Rockefeller's income? 

Steve. No, but I've often wondered what 
Rockefeller would do if he had mine. , ' 

Ives. You shall have his. 



"READY MONEY" 31 

Steve. Do you know any way to make him give 
it to me? 

Ives. No, no, you must make it. 

Steve. All right, I'll do that. 

Ives. Business good? 

Steve. No. 

Ives. I'm surprised and sorry to hear that. I'll 
tell you what you ought to do if business is quiet ; 
take it as an opportunity to get away on a vaca- 
tion. It will do you a world of good. Run down 
to Florida for tivo weeks. 

Steve. (Looks suddenly, at Ives j Run down to 
Florida for two weeksf 

Ives. I'll go along with you. It's not an ex- 
pensive trip. Six or seven hundred dollars will 
get you out. 

Steve. If I had six or seven hundred dollars 
I'd go out right now. 

Ives. What do you mean? 

Steve. You're a sharp, shrewd man, Mr. Ives. 
I've never seen anything get by you yet. What are 
you trying to get at? You know I haven't six 
or seven hundred dollars. I haven't any elements 
of success. I'm a terrible failure. If it wasn't 
the act of a coward, if it wasn't such a low down 
trick to serve your friends, I'd end everything. 
(Pause) Now you know the truth. 

Ives. I've been waiting three weeks for you to 
tell me that. How much has Morgan to do with 
this ? 

Steve. Oh, I don't blame him. 

Ives. How long have you had this mine of 
yours ? 

Steve. Six months. 

Ives. Tell me just how you got it. 

Steve. I was out in Arizona prospecting, 

Ives. Yes. 



32 "READY MONEY" 

" Steve. I found this mine . . . Sky Rocket . . . 
partially developed, and enough machinery to work 
it in a small way. 

Ives. I understand. 

Steve. For a thousand dollars I got a 30 days' 
option. The price was thirty thousand cash. I 
had ten thousand and was sure of getting- the other 
twenty — but the parties failed to come through 
with it. Just before my option expired Morgan 
came out there and bought up a lot of acreage, in- 
cluding mines and prospects. That caused a rush 
into that section and prices jumped. If I forfeited 
my option the owners couM have asked a hundred 
thousand for what I was getting for thirty. Mor- 
gan knew this and wanted it, so I guess he just 
about figured that h^ would lend me twenty thou- 
sand on my notes, let me pay in my ten thousand 
and then at the end of six months, grab it for him- 
self for the $20,000. 

Ives. Did Morgan do that to you? 

Steve. Yes. Oh, that's business, I suppose. I 
was glad to acceot his terms at the time. I left 
a pal of mine — Mike Reardon, out there to work 
the mine and I came East to sell the stock. 

Ives. Well? 

Steve. Wel^, I couldn't sell any stock because 
Reardon didn't discover any gold and Reardon 
couldn't strike any gold because / didn't sell enough 
stock to buy better machinery. We discouraged 
each other. So you see we've done exactly what 
Mr. Morgan counted on us doing. 

Ives. Is he going to foreclose ? 

Steve. That isn't necessary. The deed is held 
in trust. The noi"e calls for twenty thousand or 
the mine on January second ; that's the day after 
to-morrow, so I'U have to give up my friends and. 
my clubs, all I'll have left is manner. 



"READY MONEY" 33 

TvES. (Pause— thinks) Have you any telegraph 
l^lanks here? f Steve opens drazver and hands pad) 
Ives. (Takes pad of telegrams) What is Rear- 
don's first name? 
Steve. Mike. 
TvES. (Writes) Where is he? 

Steve. The Mansion House, Gallup, Arizona. 
flvEs nrites) That's the worst hotel I was ever in. 

IvFS. Bad as that, eh? (Writes) "Mike Rear- 
don, Mansion House, Gallup, Arizona. Have Paid 
Morg-an his note. T own the mine. Double effort 
to strike ^old in two days to cover big sale of stock. 
Stephen Baird." (Writes message and then reads: 
aloud) 

Steve. What are you going to do with that ? 

Ives. You are going to send this to Reardon.. 

Steve. Wait a minute, that's too strong. 

Ives. Do you know what encouragement means 
to a man? 

Steve. Yes, I know, and I knovv^ that Irishman.. 
If he ever received that telegram he'd work his; 
head off for the next two days. 

IvEs. Isn't that exactly what you want him fcr 
do? 

Steve. But I haven't paid Morgan his note. I 
haven't sold any stock. 

Ives. But if this telegram puts him to work and 
if he did strike gold, you could pay the note and 
you could sell the stock, couldn't you ? 

Steve. Yes. 

Ives. And if he isn't encouraged he surely won't 
make any great effort, the last two days. 

Steve. (Pause) No ! 

Ives. Now will you call Neil ? 

Steve. (To door up c.) Oh, Neil. Neil! /"Neil 
enters r. u. Ives holds telegram and rises) 

Ives. Mr. Baird wants this telegram sent at once. 



34 "READY MONEY" 

Steve. (Starts to pay Neil, takes out quarter, 
■puts it hack) Charge it. ("Steve goes down r. and 
sits R. of table) 

Neil. Yes, sir. (Exits R. u.^ fIvES up above 
c. table) 

Ives. (To Steve. J Besides, that telegram is 
irue. You are going to pay the note, you are going 
to sell some stock. I've been interested in you 
from the first day I met you . . . and I've always 
wanted to do something to prove it. (Takes out 
^vallet, takes out tzventy one-thousand-dollar bills) 
Here are tzventy one-thousand-dollar bills. I'm 
huying that much stock. (Tosses money on table 
on top of mining circulars) Now you can pay Mor- 
g-an his twenty thousand dollars. 

Steve. (Stares at Ives J Do you really mean 
that ? 

Ives. ("Steve looks at money) There's the 
money. Take it! ("Steve takes it) Look at it. 

Steve. I am looking at it. I can't believe it's 
true. ("Ives smiles — sits) I don't know what to 
say — I don't know how to thank you. You don't 
realize what this money means to me. It's come 
right out of heaven, that's all. Do you know what 
you've done? (Tunis in chair to face IvESJ 

Ives. (Sits in chair behind table) I've done 
nothing. 

Steve. You've done something wonderful. It's 
made the whole world look differently. I don't 
wish you any ill luck, but if you are ever in any 
trouble or need any help, no matter what it is, or 
where you are, if you ever want anyone to go 
through for you, I want you to promise me you'll 
give me a chance to prove my gratitude. 

Ives. Do you feel that way about it? 

Steve. There's someone who, when she hears 
of this, will be the happiest girl in the world. 



"READY MONEY" 35. 

Ives. I wonder how far you would go? 

Steve. Try me some day, that's the best way to 
find out. 

Ives. I'll try you right now. Let me see — sup- 
posing that I was in a lot of trouble — supposing that 
I was arrested? 

Steve. What would you be arrested for? 

Ives. Well, we'll say I was arrested for steal- 
ing. 

Steve. That's impossible. 

Ives. But if I was arrested for stealing, and you 
could come to the front and clear me, would you 
doit? 

Steve. That's rather hard to answer. 

Ives. (Repeating Steve's words) "If you ever 
need any help, no matter what it is or where you 
are, if you should ever want anyone to go through 
for you, I want you to promise me you'll give me 
a chance to prove my gratitude." Did you say 
that? 

S'^eve. Yes, even then I would. 

Ives. (Rises, pats Steve on the hack) That's 
better. Well, don't worry. I will never be arrested 
for stealing. fIvES zvalks to upper door and re- 
turns, closes door) (^ Steve, relieved, looks at 
money) (Returns to back of table) I'm going 
to make you a proposition, and whether you accept 
it or not, I want you to promise me you will never 
repeat it. Will you do that? 

Steve. Yes. 

Ives. Good. Here's another ca^e. Supposing 
I were a counterfeiter. Suppose those one thou- 
sand dollar bills were counter fen and that the whole 
idea of mv coming here to-night and buying your 
stock was a scheme of mine to show you how easy 
it was to pass them? (Takes tzvo bills from vest 
pocket) Here are two one thousand dollar bills 



S6 ''READY MONEY" 

made T?y the Government. . ("Steve has been staring' 
at the money. Continues to look at it transfixed. 
Quietly puts it on the edge of table and sits back 
and reaches over and takes a drink from his glass. 
He rises and crosses to R. Is absolutely dazed, his 
hopes shattered. He listens to Ives, but thinks 
only of the money he has lost) (Coming down l. 
to Steve j (Excitedly takes up 20 counterfeit bills 
from table) These are mine. (Holds up two 
genuine bills) These were made by the Govern- 
ment. (Shuffles them) Now, pick them out and 
they are yours. ("Steve, discouraged, shakes his 
head) It is impossible. An expert could not tell 
the difference. I have spent years to make this 
hill (showing counterfeit) superior to the original 
(shozving tzvo bills). I was a printer, a paper maker 
— an expert steel and copper engraver. For thirty 
years I have been reading, writing, talking, think- 
ing money. I have reproduced the currency of 
England, France, Germany. I returned six weeks 
ago. Half of that time I have been watching you. 
You have every element I require. You will be 
my partner. Your opportunity has come at last. 
(Takes 30 bills from, zvallet — puts them, with 
twenty. Puts the two genuine bills in vest 
pocket) There is fifty thousand dollars tO' start 
with. I made it a thousand dollar bill because not 
one man out of a hundred has ever seen one. You 
will look as if you had never seen anything else. 
With your friends, with your position, it will be 
a triumph. Take them. (Forces bills into Stevens 
hands) 

Steve. (Holding money in Ive's hands) Wait 
a minute ! Do you think because I am broke and 
helpless that I will stoop to a dastardly trick like 
that? Do you rhean that you want me to pass this 
money among my friends, get good money in return 



"READY MONEY" 37 

and divide with you ? (Pushes money away frofyi 
him) 

Ives. You won't pass it. If you've got money 
you don't have to spend it, all you have to do is 
to show \t. It takes money to get money, and you 
can't get it without it. What chance have you got 
without money? Who is going to have faith in 
what you've got to sell, if what you've got to sell 
isn't getting you anything? But if they see that 
it's getting you everything they'll fight to get in on 
it. You know what a new suit of clothes gets you, 
a pleasant "grood morning :" Well, peoole can see a 
thousand dollar bill further than anvthinsr else of 
its size in the world, and seeing is believing, and 
believing is all there is to it. I u'^ed to pass it and 
that's why I can't do now what I want you to do. 
I'm known, but they don't know you and if you'll 
give me fifty per cent of all that money attracts to 
you, I'll be a rich man. 

Welch. (Outside) I'll make him come down. 

Ives. (Crosses to extrem^e left) Put it away. 

Rosenthal. I tried. 

Stewart. We'll all try. ("Welch, Rosenthal 
and Stewart enter R. u.j 

Steve. (At sound of voices he goes to center) 

Welch. (Goes to stage center) Hello, Steve. 
Good evening, Mr. Ives. ("Rosenthal and 
Stewart nod to Ives and say ''Good evening.'' Go 
to him, left. Show cuff-buttons ) What's the 
matter, Steve? Why didn't you come down with 
Grace? Oh, bring Mr. Ives along. Now, hurry 
up, will you? 

Steve. Once and for all, Sam, I*m not going 
downstairs. 

Welch. All right! Just to show you Tm a 
regular fellow, here's a little present I gave the 
boys. (Takes box from, pocket) 



38 "READY MONEY" 

Steve. What is it? 

Welch. Cuif buttons. 

Steve. (Opens box) Thanks, Sam. Just what 
I needed. 

Welch. I'm glad of that. 

Steve. (Turns and speaks as he crosses l. i} 
I need some shirts, too. (Exits l. ij (To Ives^ 
center) What's the matter with him? 

Rosenthal. (To Ivesj There'll be a lot "of 
trouble avoided if Steve will show himself down- 
Stairs. 

Stewart. (To Ives J What have you been 
doing? 

Ives. Talking business. 

Welch. You have? I'm glad of that. I told 
Mrs. Tyler he had a business engagement. You 
just saved me. Are )^ou going to buy some stock? 

Ives. (Crosses back and speaks as he goes up 
to R. U.J I have not decided as yet. (Goes up into 
hallway and gets coat) 

Welch. I'd like to see Steve start the New Year 
with a sale. (Pauses) (Picks up one of the 
Mining Circulars, looks at it) Boys, I've got a 
great idea. 
; Stewart. What is it ? 

Welch. I wonder I didn't think of it before. 

■ Rosenthal, (-r.) Are you going to keep it to 
yourself? Now that you have thought of it? 

Welch. No. You should have thought of it 
yourself. We've got $25,000 between us, and Steve 
is broke. I'm going to buy a thousand dollars' worth 
of his stock. I don't look upon this as a specula- 
tion. I'm going to do this for Steve, so he will 
have something to start this New Year with. 
; Ives. (Has re-entered ; drops down left) 

■ Rosenthal. (Qrabs prospectus) Give me that 
Printer's Ink. 



"READY MONEY" 39 

Welch. (Picks ore up from table) Well, this 
ore isn't printer's ink. Do you see that yellow stuff, 
there ? 

Rosenthal. Yes. 

Welch. That's gold. 

Stewart. Well, what of it? 

Welch. That came out of Steve's mine. 

Stewart. Too bad they took it out. They 
haven't any left. 

Rosenthal. (Laughs) That's immense. 

Welch. You wouldn't laugh if that mine turned 
out a big winner and you weren't in it ! 

Stewart. (Crosses around table r. Calls off 
l. ij Good night, Steve, we don't want to miss 
twelve o'clock. 

Rosenthal. (Crosses around table R.j Good 
night, Steve, f Steve enters l. c.) 

Welch. Steve, I've got a surprise for you. 

Steve. (Goes to Welch center) Are you going 
to ask me to give vou b-^ck the cuff-buttons? TIves 
comes hack and. goes l.J 

Welch. No, I'm going to buy a thousand dol- 
lars', worth of your stock. I'll give you a check 
when we get back. Do you need any cash to-night ? 

Stewart and Rosenthal. (Drop down extreme 
right to ivatch Steve and Welch J 

Steve. No. 

Welch. (Takes check from vest pocket) All 
I have is this check of my father's for ten thou- 
sand. (Turns away to Stewart and Rosenthal j' 
I wish I could cash some of it. 

Steve. Do you want it cashed? 

Welch. Yes, if I knew someone who could. 

Steve. I could. 

W^ELCH, Rosenthal and Stewart. (Laugh — a 
good hearty laugh to show how absurd you think 
this statement is) 



40 "READY MONEY" 

Welch. (Crosses to Steve j (Puts his hands 
on Steve's shoulder) I wish that was true, Steve. 
I wish you could cash twice that amount. 

Steve. I could do that, too. (All laugh. Welch 
returns to boys, and all laugh together) (As the 
boys laugh, Steve goes to IvESJ I'm going- to see 
just how far you are right. (Takes out roll — 
speaks to Welch J Give me the check. 



(READY NOISE OF CELEBRATION) 

Rosenthal. (Points wild-eyed to money in 
Steve's hand) My God ; look ! ! 

(NOTE TO DIRECTOR: From this line to the 
curtain the scene should build to great en- 
thusiasm, the boys play dead seriously and not 
burlesque) 

Welch. (Wild-eyed looking at money ) Steve! 

Stewart. (Same business) Where did he get 
it? -I 

Welch. (Turns to boys on right) Boys, do you 
know where he got it? Reardon has discovered 
gold ! 

Rosenthal and Stewart. What ! ! ! 

Welch. (Holds boys back and then crosses to 
Steve ^ Wajt a minute. Wait a minute ! I swear 
T didn't know it when I offered to buy. Will you 
believe that, Steve? 

Steve. Yes. 

Welch. You old pal! 

Rosenthal. (Crosses to Steve, across NsfE-LCH., 
shakes hands unth Steve j I knew you'd do it. 

Stewart. (Close fo Rosenthal, leaning for^ 
ward) Look at all of that money. 



"READY MONEY" 41 

PosENTHAL. (Takes out check) Steve, don*t 
forget your uncle ... I want to buy some. 

Welch. I'm first! I'm first! Let me in for 
four thousand, Steve. 

Stewart. (Takes out check) Don't I get a 
chance to say anything? Two thousand, Steve! 

Rosenthal. (Turns and gently pushes Stewart 
hack) I'm next. There's plenty of time, don't get 
excited. (Returns quickly to position) Three thou- 
sand, Steve. 

Stewart. (Runs around hack of Rosenthal 
and Welch and is next to Steve j. I'll take three 
thousand. 

Welch. Five thousand in the piece, Steve. 

Rosenthal. Hold my check to seal the bargain. 
{At end of line, hut reaches forward) 

Stewart and Welch. (Speakmg together) 
Here's mine ! 

Steve. Do you mean it, boys ? 
' Welch> Rosenthal, Stewart. (Excited) Yes. 

Steve. All on Sky Rocket ? 
• All. (Same tone) Yes, take it. 

Steve. (Takes checks, which should he held 
close together so that he can take them in i, 2, ^ 
order while he is saying ^^All right f ) All right! 
f Ives looks at watch, sees it is 12 o'clock, and goes 
up and opens zvindow. Sounds of the facte /y 
'whistles, horns, rattles and chimes. General noise 
of good cheer) ('Ives goes up to window on ^'Hold 
my check to seal the bargain/' which hrings him to 
window in time to raise it exactly on Steve's line, 
^'All righr) 

All. (Listen) Steve, a Happy and a Prosper- 
ous New Year! 

Steve. Thank you. The same to you and many 
of them. (Puts checks and money in his pocket 
and looks at Ives^ who has timed his walk down 



42 "READY MONEY" 

stage so as to be at Steve's elbow on ''Many of 
them*') 

Curtain 

Second curtain 

Welch, Rosenthal, Stewart — At right of stage 

figuring and full of business. 

Baird and Ives at left. Steve looking at Ives 

End of First Act 



NOTE TO STAGE DIRECTOR: It is New 
Year's morning; keep up the spirit of New 
Year's. Also in this act you have a general 
entrance and a general exit. Work these with 
all the enthusiasm, of youth and with the excite- 
ment of making money. 

The placing of the bag on the back of the 
chair is m^ost important. Baird moves the 
chair back before he rises on, ''Go at once into 
the sam^e business as Mr. Ives," and twists the 
chair as shown. 

The back of the chair must be shown. 

The bag must have a cord that is at least one 
foot long. 

Rosenthal''s curtain speech wMst he read 
very positive and confident. 

The switch of the envelopes from Baikd^s 
pocket to the circulars and back to his pocket 
and then into Grace's bag and Mrs. Tyler 
taking the bag off stage is the entire idea of the 
second act and should be rehearsed with props 
many times. 



ACT II 

Scene: The same as Act L 

Time : 1 1 o'clock, New Year's morning. 

Discovered : Rosenthal, seated at^ desk c, busily 

writing telegram. Neil standing at right of 

desk with telegraph rate hook. 

Rosenthal. What's the rate to Cincinnati,, 
Neil? 

Neil, (Refers to W. U. T. tariff book) Forty 
and three. 

Rosenthal. (Hands telegram to NeilJ Thirty- 
seven words — a dollar and twenty-one cents. 

Neil. Yes, sir. 

Rosenthal. Let ni€ hear you read it. 

Neil. (Reads telegram) "Mr. Thomas A. Bart- 
lett, Cincinnati, Ohio." (Looks up at Rosenthal> 
No street? 

Rosenthal. That's all right, he's well known. 

Neil. "Can give you enormous tip on mining 
stock. Have seen results of big strike, one dollar 
a share. I have bought eight thousand. Wire 
money or order to Stephen Baird, 22 Wall Street. 
Work quick. Rosenthal." 

Rosenthal. (Listens to telegram,; shakes his 
head with approval) That's all right. (Gives Neil 
u dollar and a quarter) Rush that! 

Neil. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. 

Stewart. (Enter r. u. of table, with hat and 
walking coat) Wait a minute, Neil. Hello, Sid- 
ney! Where's Steve? 

43 



44 "READY MONEY" 

Rosenthal. (Points l. i) In there, eating 
breakfast. 

Stewart. Is he just up? 

Rosenthal. He's been up for hours, but he 
wouldn't eat. I made him send down for some- 
thing. 

Stewart. (Indicating Neil with telegram) 
Sending any telegrams ? 

Rosenthal. Just wired Bartlett in Cincinnati. 
We ought to let him know. 

Stewart. (Sits right of table) That reminds 
me. Let me have that pad. 

Rosenthal. (Passes pad of telegrams) 

Stewart. I telegraphed Joe Stevens in Phila- 
delphia, as soon as I got up. Told him to wire to 
Steve's office. (Speaks as he writes) I wired Fred 
Moss in Pittsburg early this morning, but I didn't 
think of Jack Matthews. He's in Baltimore. We'll 
let him in. He knows Steve. (Writing) Where's 
Sam? 

Rosenthal. Just went down to the telegraph 
office. He's tr^'ing to get his father to wire him 
$5,000, but they won't transmit it on a holiday. 
Sam's crazy. 

Stewart. (Has finished zvriting) This is to 
Jack. (Reads) "Mr. John Matthews, 47 Eutaw 
Street, Baltimore, Md. Wire quick to Stephen 
Baird, 22 Wall Street, all the money you can get. 
Just struck enormous vein on his mine. Have seen 
the money. One dollar a share if you work quick. 
William Stewart." That ought to wake him up. 
(Rises) I'd like to mention Sky Rocket, but I'm 
afraid it might leak out. We must be careful. 
(Gives telegram to Neilj There's a dollar, Neil. 
Hush those. 

' Neil. Yes, sir. ^Neil exits) 

Stewart. (Slaps Rosenthal on the back) The 



"READY MONEY" 45 

New Year's starting in pretty nice for me, old boy, 
Ida and I are going to be married next month. 

Rosenthal. Really ? 

Stewart. Yes . Settled it last night. Her 
mother and father and Grace and Ida and I talked 
it all over, after we had seen Steve, and everything 
is all fixed. Mrs. Tyler has sivitched right around ; 
now she thinks Steve is a wonderful young man, 
and Mr. Tyler wants to buy some stock. I told him 
to come down. Steve will surely let him have a 
little on account of Grace. 

Rosenthal. Margy and I are going to be mar- 
ried next June. How did you get Ida to make it 
next month ? 

Stewart. I showed her how I would make a 
lot of money in the next month and I could take 
a vacation and we'd go to Europe on our honey- 
moon, hut, if she waited until June, I'd have so 
many interests I couldn't leave them. 

Rosenthal. That sounds good. I'll try to ex- 
plain that to Margy. 

Stewart. Go ahead. She told me to tell you 
she'd be down here. They're all coming. Ida and 
I are going to have Steve for best man. We owe 
it all to him. I'll have to think of a great present 
for Steve. 

Rosenthal. It will be hard to give him any- 
thing. In a month he'll have everything a man 
can have. (Door huszer) 

Stewart. I'm going in and see him. (Crosses 
L. and exits) 

Rosenthal. All right. (^Tyler and Neil enter 
— Neil exits) 

Tyler. (^. of table) Ah, good morning. 

Rosenthal. Good morning, Mr. Tyler. (Rises 
and shakes hands) 

Tyler. Where is Stephen? 



46 "READY MONEY" 

Rosenthal. In there. 

Tyler. Is he well? 

Rosenthal. (Sits) Oh, yes. 

Tyler. Has he been out? 

Rosenthal. No. 

Tyler. He must get plenty of fresh air. He's 
not been looking well, lately. I've been worried 
about him. 

Stewart. Good morning, Mr. Tyler. (Re-enters 
L. I. Goes quickly to Rosenthal) 

Tyler. Happy New Year. 

Stewart. Say, Sidney, can I borrow two thou- 
sand dollars on my life insurance? 

Rosenthal. (Thinks a moment) Yes, just 
about $2,000. (As Stewart starts to go left) And 
say, Billy,, for how much could I mortgage those 
two lots you sold me at Bay Shore? 

Stewart. About three thousand. 

Rosenthal. Will you find out for me and make 
arrangements ? 

Stewart. Yes, if you'll do the same for me. 

Rosenthal. I will. 

Tyler. (Has been listening intently) What is 
all the demand for money ? 

Stewart. We want to buy some more of Steve's 
stock before it jumps to two or three dollars, don't 
we? 

Tyler. Oh, yes. Do you really think it is a good 
speculation ? 

Rosenthal. It isn't a speculation, it's an invest- 
ment. You. saw that bankroll last night, didn't 
you? Nothing but thousand-dollar bills. Do you 
want any more proof than that? 

Stewart. You've got to believe it when you see 
it like that. I always knew the mine was good. 
Steve kept so quiet about it. 

Rosenthal. I know, but he let us in without 



"READY MONEY" 47 

a word. Very few fellows would do that. He's a 
prince. He's the greatest little fellow in the world, 
and I love him. 

Tyler. What does Stephen say? 

Rosenthal. He hasn't said a word. He just 
sits and thinks. 

Stewart. I just left him eating. He didn't 
speak to me. Just looked up at me with that won- 
derful blank stare of his and shook his head. I 
said "Good morning, Captain," and he threw a roll 

at me. 

Rosenthal. You mustn't bother him when he's 
figuring. (To TylerJ He's the smartest young 
man in this country. Did you ever notice his eyes ? 

Tyler. His eyes ? Did I ever notice his eyes ? 

Stewart. And did you ever notice his peculiar 
walk? That means something. 

Rosenthal. I'll tell you what tipped him off to 
me long ago. That way he had of making you 
think he hasn't any money. Under cover all the 
time. 

Tyler. Both of you boys feel certain this is a 
perfectly safe venture? 

Stewart. Venture? A venture is something 
that you don't know anything ahoutf 

Rosenthal. Safe? It's just as safe as a bank 
and gets you something. Read this — Do you want 
any more guarantee than that? (Picks up mining 
circular. Reads for Tyler from circular) Ref- 
erence, Citizen's Trust Company, Gallup, Arizona. 

Stewart. This will be the last day at a dollar. 

Rosenthal. I figure it this way. If Steve 
makes money for himself, he has got to make it 
for us. I don't want any more proof than that 
bank roll. 

Stewart. (Picks up ore from, table, with mag- 
nifying glass) Look at this piece of high-grade are. 



48 ^:i..vDY MONEY" 

("Tyler, Stewart and Rosenthal look at ore} 
Plastered with it. 

Rosenthal. Gold sticking right out all over it. 

Stewart. (To Tyler J How much are you 
going to put in? 

Tyler. (Looking at ore luith glass) Oh, five 
thousand, maybe ten, if he will take it. (Sees a 
deposit of gold in ore) Oh, look at that. 

Rosenthal. He will for Grace's sake. I 
bought four thousand at first and then four more.. 
Doubled it right up. 

Stewart. I'm in for seven thousand. Sam's in 
for ten thousand. , 

Rosenthal. Steve must have two hundred thou- 
sand in that roll. Money surrounded by money 
sticking out of money. 

Welch. (Enters quickly r. u. No hat) Hello, 
everybody. (Crosses to i.. i) 

Stewart. Oh, I say, Sam. 

Welch. (Turns at i.. i) I can't stop now. 
What do you think of that telegraph company? 
They won't send money on a holiday. But here's 
a wire from my father saying he'll send me five 
thousand. I wonder if Steve will take it to-mor- 
row. 

Rosenthal. If you explain it to him he may. 

Tyler. (Crossing lefty still looking at ore) I'd 
like to see him before he stops selling. 

Rosenthal. Go right in with Sam and make 
your proposition at the same time. 

Tyler. (Crosses to Welch, extreme left, look- 
ing at ore) I'm always satisfied when I see results. 

Welch. Wel^, I'm his pal. I didn't jump at it. 
While I always knew it was a great mine, I waited 
until I saw for myself. I'm from Missouri, but I 
know money when I see it. (Exit left ist) (Door 
buzzer) 



"READY MONEY" 49 

Tyler. You look like a Missourian. (Exits 

x. 1) 

Stewart. (Going left) I'm going to see how 
the "Boss" handles them. (Exits l. ij 

Rosenthal. I'll go with you. 

Neil. (Enters r. v.) Mr. Holbrook. ("HoL- 
BROOK enters R. u. j 

Rosenthal, (l.^ near door, turns back) Hello^ 
Sumner. 

Holbrook. (Back of table, puts hat on table} 
Oh, I've heard all about it. Say, listen. I'm the 
only man in New York who had faith in that Sky 
Rocket mine. I knew the gold was there and I'd 
have held on to that stork for ten years. Steve: 
has got to let me double it. 

Rosenthal. I've bought eight thousand shares, 

Holbrook. (Crosses around front to Rosen- 
thal) You have? Did you see that money your- 
self? 

Rosenthal. Sure. He had it right in his 
hand. 

Holbrook. (Walks right) That's why no. one 
could €nd him yesterday. He was burning up the 
wires to Reardon in Arizona. 

Rosenthal. That's what he was doing. It must 
be a great mine. 

Holbrook. Haven't I always said so? (^Steve 
enters l. i and goes up to buffet) Happy New 
Year, Steve. 

Steve. Same to you. 

Holbrook. I've just heard of your "good luck.'* 

Rosenthal. (Dozvn R.y excited, to Holbrook/ 
Good luck! It wasn't luck, it was hard work and 
brains. Look at the shape of his head. 

Steve. (Walking down l. ist. Turns quickly,, 
puts his hand to his head) What's the matter with 
it? 



50 "READY MONEY'^ 

Rosenthal. Nothing, I think it's wonderful. 

Steve. Oh. 

HoLBROOK. I was just .telling Rosenthal that I 
hold twenty-five hundred shares, don't I, Steve? 

Steve. Yes. 

HoLBROOK. Thafs $2,500. 

Steve. (Takes out money — ^$50,000 J Do you 
want to sell them? 

HoLBROOK. (Starts — stares at money) Holy 
smoke ! 

Rosenthal. (Back of table) It grows bigger 
every minute. 

Steve. It hasn't changed any. 

Rosenthal. Well, it looks it. 

HoLBROOK. (Crosses to chair r. of table) Steve, 

I bought my shares when you needed the money. 
You've got to let me in for some more. I'll give 
my check right now for five thousand. (Sits at 
desk. Very excited. Writes check. Steve takes 
out checks given him in Act I and Tyler''s in Act 

II and puts money in his pocket) 

Rosenthal. (Back of table) And look at that 
roll of checks. He must have over four hundred 
thousand all together. 

HoLBROOK. (Writing) I know! I know! 

Rosenthal. There's no doubt about any- 
thing. 

Steve. (Crosses to extrem^e right) 

HoLBROOK. (Hurries writing check, speaks as 
Steve passes him) Just a second, just a second. 
(Tears out check, hands it to Steve) There! 

Steve. (Takes check. Puts check with others) 
Thanks ! 

HoLBROOK. Will I get my certificate to-morrow ? 

Steve. If I live. 

HoLBROOK. (Gets hat from table) ,.1 got you, 
Steve. 



"READY MONEY" 51 

Tyler. (Enters l. i. Anticipates cue and goes 
io Rosenthal. Very confidential) He took it! 
Ten thousand. 

Rosenthal. (Shakes Tyler's hand, speaks 
loudly) I congratulate you. 

Tyler. Sh ! Sh! 

HoLBROOK. I've got to get along. See you to- 
morrow, Steve. (Shakes hands with Stevej 
Thank you for letting me in at this time, Steve. I'll 
try and do as much for you some day. (^ Steve 
shakes hands with Holbrookj (Goes up to door) 
I've got to get down to a telegraph office. 

Rosenthal. (Goes quickly to HolbrookJ Oh, 
Sumner ! Don't tell any one but real fellows. 
Understand? Keep it among ourselves. 

HoLBROOK. I understand. So long. (Exit right 
upper) 

Steve. (Puts check in upper vest pocket) 

All. Good day. CWelch and Stewart enter 

L. i; 

Rosenthal. Three cheers for Steve. All to- 
gether, One 

All. Hurrah ! 

Rosenthal. Two. 

All. Hurrah ! 

Rosenthal. Three. 

All. Hurrah ! 

Rosenthal. Tiger. 

All. Ah! 

Rosenthal. He's a bear. Come on, boys. Lift 
Tiim up. (All put Steve on the bench in front of 
table) 

Stewart. Kid Rockefeller. 

Welch. Take out the money, Steve. 

All. Yes. Let us see it, Steve. 

Steve. Let me tell you something about that 
money. (Door buzzer) 



52 "READY MONEY" 

All. We don't want to hear about it, we want 
to see it. Let's see it, Steve. 

Steve. (Regretfully) All right. (Takes out 
money) 

All. Ah! 

Rosenthal. That's the stuff that counts. ^Neil 
enters before ladies) f Steve puts money away and 
gets off bench just as Mrs. Tyler greets him) 
('Mrs. Tyler enters r. u., arms outspread to Steve^ 

Mrs. Tyler. How is my boy this morning? 
(Make this line broad for a big laugh, as it allows 
time for all characters to get set) (She takes his 
hand) * ~ 

Ida. (Enters with girls, crowd around. She is 
at Steve's left elbow and speaks as she enters) 
Oh, let me see him. 

Margy (Enters with girls on Stevens right. She 
has hold of Grace's left hand and passes her in 
front toward Steve j Here he is, Grace. 

Grace. (Enter last of girls on Steven's right) 
Good morning, Stephen. 

Steve. Good morning, Grace. 

Ida. How is Baron Rothschild this morning? 
(On Steve's left) 

Steve. Very ill. He's got money on the brain. 

Mrs. Tyler. (Extreme right with Mr. Tyler j 
They look so well together. I've been so excited. I 
didn't sleep a wink. 

Steve. I'm so sorry. 

Miss Elliott. ^ (To Steve) (Between Grace. 
and Mrs. Tyler j Did you sleep? 

Steve. No, this money made an awful noise all 
night. 

Miss Elliott. (Crosses Grace close to Steve j 
(Very earnestly) I stayed with Grace and Ida. 
We talked all night and then this morning they 
went home with me. I told papa all about it and 



"READY MONEY" 53 

he's coTPiv.p- down to see you this afternoon. Grace 
won't ask you, but I will, and Billy says it's all right. 
Here's Mrs. Tyler's check for four hundred dollars. 
Please take it and make us a lot of money. (Puts 
check in Steye's hand, but he- does not take it) 

Stewart. A hundred shares apiece. It's divided 
between them. 

Steve. (Looks at Stewart) 

Mtss Elliott. I don't think a woman should 
gamble unless she's sure to win. We are sure of 
this because we saw the money. 

Ida. And here's my check for seventy-five dol- 
lars besides that. You're not responsible for this. 
I want you to consider it just as if you got it from 
one of the boys. (Puts it in Stevens hand and 
makes him take it) 

Steve. (Looks at check ) Oh, yes. You believe 
in — in — some book you've read. 

Ida. I most certainly do. In the fourth chapter 
of "What Eight Million Women Want." 

All. (Wearily) Oh. 

Steve. I imderstand. You're a business woman. 

Ida. I am. 

Steve. Then why don't you sign your check? 

Ida. Oh, I forgot that. (Extends check to 
Stewart. Sign it for me, Billy? (All laugh) 
Where's a pen? (Goes to chair right of table as 
she speaks) 

Stewart. Here you are, Ida. (Gives her pen) 
Don't let them make fun of you. You're all right. 
(Ida signs check) 

Steve. (Crosses extreme left while check is 
being signed) 

Miss Elliott. (Crosses to Steve, extends 
check) Here, Stephen. 

Ida. (After signing check, rises, , goes to Steve 
and extends check) Now it's all right. 



54 "READY MONEY" 

Steve. I'm very sorry, but I cannot take 
them. 

All. (Very importantly) What? 

Miss Elliott. Isn't it enough? 

Steve. No. 

Miss Elliott. Is it too much? 

Steve. That isn't it. 

Ida. Won't you take mine? 

Mrs. Tyler. Why, Stephen. You took the boys^ 
checks. 

Steve. I know, but you don't understand. 

Miss Elliott. Oh, yo': must. 

Grace. (Right center) Wait a moment, Margy> 
He is right. Please don't ask Stephen to take them. 

Mrs. Tyler. Why rot? 

Grace. I can't explain, but we won't ask him. 
Please do as I sy. 

Miss Elliott. You were the one who suggested 
it, and you asked rre to speak to Stephen. 

Grace. I know I did. But I had forgotten some- 
thing. Now I ask you to say nothing more about 
it. 

■ All. Why not, Grace? f Grace tries to hold 
back her tears) 

Tyler. Grace, what is it? 

Mrs. Tyler. Grace, I insist that you explain. 
fGRACE is silent) 

Mrs. Tyler. Stephen, do you know what she 
ijneans? 

Steve. I think I do. 

■ Mrs. Tyler. What is it? 

. Grace. (Coming forward, but remains right of 
all other characters) I'll tell you. I was unjust to 
Stephen last night, when I came up here for him. 
I didn't understand certain things. I didn't realize 
how busy he was, and because I thought that he 
did not want to come down to the party, I sai(| 



"READY MONEY" 55 

something that was very wrong. (Holds hack her 
tears) 

Steve. (Extreme left) Listen, all of you. 
Grace is mistaken. She said nothing but what was 
right. That is not why I will not take your money. 
I have taken all that I am going to. 

All. (Horrified) Oh-o. 

Steve. I have done nothing all morning but to 
try and think how I could tell you the truth. I 
took the boys' check'^ — Mr. Tyler's. Mr. Holbrook's. 
Here they are. (Takes out checks) I have not 
cashed them. I'm not going to. I am going to 
return them to you now. (Crosses to Rosenthal, 
center) 

All. (Horrified) What? 

Rosenthal. (To Steve. Very excited, pushes 
check away) Well. I refuse to take mine back. I 
hold eight thousand shares and I won't give them 
up. 

Stewart. (Left of Steve ) Neither wil^ I. 

Welch. (Comes between Stewart and Steve} 
You're ioking, Steve. 

Steve. No, I'm not. I mean exactly what I say. 

Rosenthal. (To Tyler, who is on his right) 
You see what a woman can do. Bust the whole 
thing ut>. (Waits for big laugh) 

Steve. None of you ever offered to buy any 
stock from me, except Sam and Holbrook. The 
mine is no better than it was two weeks ago. I am 
no more successful than I was two months ago. 
You didn't believe in me then. Last night you saw 
me with a^ this money. (Takes out roll of money) 

All. Oh-0-0. Look! Look! 

Ida. Oh! Billy! 

Steve. (Center) On the strength of seeing this 
money, just seeing it inade you all know that -I 
was a successful man. You jumped to the con* 



56 "READY MONEY" 

elusion it was the mine. You boys gave me your 
checks before I reaHzed it. I took them. I have 
taken others this morning, but simply to prove to 
myself that money gets money ; but this money did 
not come from any mine. 

Rosenthal. f Steve ends his speech facing 
Welch, Rosenthal taking his arm and turns 
Steve toward himself) Where did it come from? 

Steve. I can't answer that. 

Rosenthal. You bet you can't. I was afraid 
■of this. You let us in on the ground floor and now 
you're sorry. You don't want to see us make 
money, too. 

Welch. (Turns Steve to him — sam^ business 
as Rosenthal) Steve, I'm not going to take back 
my check. 

Steve. You must all take them back. 

Stewart. (Goes close to Steve, Welch giving 
wav and dropping left) I won't! I won't! Friend- 
ship ceases right here. This is business. I'm going 
to be cold-blooded. 

Ida. Billy ! -f Ida takes Stewart's hand and 
pulls h'm left with Marglyj 

Wflch. (Walks up close to Steve j I'm so 
mad I could cry. The one chance I've had to make 
some money, and I get it right in my hand, and 
because of a foolish quarrel with Grace you want 
to turn down all your pals. 

Rosenthal. (Turns Steve as before) It isn't 
right, Steve. I want eight thousand shares and 
nothing else, and if you don't think I mean it I'll 
tell you what I'll do. I'll take it into the courts, 
if Steve puts money into pocket very quickly) 

Tyler. (Crosses close to Steve, on his right) 
I apologize for Grace, but I feel I have the right 
to hold you to your bargain. You accepted my 
check which I gave you in good faith. (Turns to 



"READY MONEY" 57 

Rosenthal^ shakes hands. Rosenthal has walked 
up stage and comes down near Mrs. Tyler) 

Welch. (Turns Steve to him) You don't dare 
say that mine isn't good. 

Steve. I've always said it was a good mine, 
;Sam. 

Welch. That's all you neod to say to me. I 
"won't take any money back after that. 

Rosenthal. Neither will I ! ! 
. Stewart. Neither will I ! 

Tyler. Me, too. (Goes up) 

Mrs. Tyler. (Crosses to Steve j Stephen, my 
boy, I know how hurt you must have been to act 
in this way. Grace is a very headstrong;' little eirl, 
l)Ut I am sure she did not mean to hurt you like 
this. (Takes Steve by hand and leads him to 
Grace^ extreme right, puts his hand in Grace's/ 
There ! There ! 

Stewart and Rosenthal. (Tell Ida and 
Margy to go over with Mrs. Tyler and make up 
with Steve j 

Ida. (Goes to Steve j Ah, Stephen, I know 
Grace couldn't have meant anything. 

Margy. (Goes to Stephen j She said such 
beautiful things about you last night. Didn't she, 
Ida? 

Ida. Of course she did. 

All Girls ap,d Mrs. Tyler. (Close around 
Steve J There! There! Do you hear that, 
, Stephen ? 

Mrs. Tyler. (Takes Grace's hand and 
Steve's J Please tell her that you understand. 

Steve. She's done nothing. It's all my 
fault. 

Welch. We'll forgive you, Steve. It's all right 
again, Sidney. 

Rosenthal. (Very happy, crosses to Steve j 



58 "READY MONEY' 

You scared me pretty near to death, that's alL 
(Goes up center) 

Stewart. Everything is just as it was. (Very 
happy) 

Steve. (Desperate) Listen ! 

Tyler. (Is now left; crosses right to Stevej 
You don't have to explain, my boy. I know you 
could have sold this stock for more money, but 
you've let your friends in cheap — you'll find it will 
pay in the end. (To Margy and Ida, who are a 
little up right center) Give me those checks. 

Ida. Here, father. 

Margy. Here's mine. 

Tyler. Take these for the girls. ^Tyler puts 
them in Steve's hands) For my daughter's sake,, 
please. (^ Steve, disgusted, takes checks and puts 
them with others) 

Stew^art. (Excited) Now we're all in it. 

Margy. (Sits on bench. Pause) How much 
are we going to make? (This line can get a big" 
laugh if planted right) 

Welch. It's impossible to tell. Even Steve 
can't figure that, can you, Steve? 

Steve. No. 
, Rosenthal. There's no limit to a thing like 
this. (Desk phone rings) 

Welch. (He is standing by phone, which is on 
left upper hand of table) (Picks up phone) Hello 
, . . it's for you, Steve. 

All. (Interested in telephone message) 

Steve. (Takes phone from Welch. To 
Grace J Pardon me. (Crosses around to phone) 
Hello ! Yes. Good morning, Mr. Morgan. (All 
start) 

Rosenthal. (Wild-eyed, pantomine to Tyler 
and whispers) Morgan ! The biggest mine owuer 
in the country. 



"READY MONEY" 59 

Welch. (Whispers it to Mrs. Tyler j Morg-an, 
the biggest mine owner in the world ! 

Steve. Where are you now? 

Stewart. (He has gone down extreme r., is 
figuring on an envelope) (Yells very loud) 
Hurrah ! 

All. Sh! Sh! 

Steve. (Glares at Stewart J What's that? 
Yes, I'll be here. Good-bye. (Hangs up receiver) 
(Stands by telephone) 

Rosenthal. (To all, very enthusiastic) Do you 
hear that, Mr. Morgan ! Hei's the biggest mine 
operator in the world. We'll make a million. 

Welch. (Goes to Steve, zifho is up left center) 
Steve — I don't know why you tried to keep us out. 
Morgan wouldn't come to see you if it wasn't a 
wonderful mine. 

Stewart. He's got everyone in it, I tell you. 

Steve. (Comes down to center to Rosenthal^ 
If you want me to tell you the truth, Mr. Morgan 
is coming over here to lend me some money. 
; Rosenthal. (Confident, excited, jubilant) That 
settles it. Morgan's behind it. (Puts his hands in 
his pockets, bends his knees and looks knowingly 
at Tyler. This should be worked for enormous 
laugh) 

All. Ah! ^Steve^ disgusted, goes up to win- 
'dow left and rem^ains until laugh is over) (Comes 
dozvn and goes to Grace as Rosenthal starts to 
say "'Steve gets m^ad'' ) 

Rosenthal. Steve gets mad every time we guess, 
the truth, But you can't fool us. 

Welch. We'd better leave Steve alone. I don't 
Avant to meet Mr. Morgan. 

Mrs, Tyler. Shall we go home ? 

Miss Elliott. (On bench) No, let's stay here 
and watch the stock go up. 



6o "READY MONEY" 

Mrs. Tyler. My dear, we can't make an office 
out of Mr. Welch's rooms. 

Welch. I'm going to get an office in the Singer 
Building. 

Tyler. You are all invited to lunch with Mrs. 
Tyler. 

All. Ah ! Thank you. Where will we go, etc. 

Miss Elliott. (Rises) Don't let's leave the 
hotel. We'll eat downstairs. 

Mrs. Tyler. Yes, very well, let us start, f Neil 
enters with two telegrams) 

Neil. Mr. Stewart — Mr. Rosenthal. 

Stewart. (Extreme left) (Takes telegram and 
opens it) Telegram ! Telegram ! From Fred Moss 
in Pittsburg. "Always knew Steve would hit it.. 
Am sending him check for six thousand. I intro- 
duced him to Grace, Fred Moss." 

Rosenthal. (Extreme left) (Has opened wire) 
Prom Joe Stevens in Philadelphia. "Sending check 
for five thousand. I went to school with Steve. 
Joe Stevens." You remember Joe, don't you, 
Steve? (^ Steve comes down and crosses to Grace's 
extrem^e right as Rosenthal says: ''You can't fool 
us") 

Steve. (Disgusted) No. 

Rosenthal. There you are — shall we leave them 
here, Steve? (Crosses to desk and puts telegrams 
on desk) 

Mrs. Tyler. Can you come, Stephen? 

Rosenthal. No ! No ! He's got to stay here 
and meet Mr. Morgan. (Goes up to door) 

Steve. (To Mrs. Tyler J May Grace remain 
just a moment? 

Mrs. Tyler. Certainly she may. Come ! Come 1 
Run along, you children. Grace and Stephen want 
to talk about things that do not concern us. 
James. 



. "READY MONEY" 6i 

, Tyler. (Has been figuring on envelope, starts) 
Yes, Lovey. (Exits) 

All. (All the young people go out on "Run 
along, children) (General exit) Come, Billy^ 
Sam, etc. 

Miss Elliott. We'll order for you, Grace. 
, Grace. Thank you. 

Stewart. (Coming down, just about to exit 
with others) Say, Governor. 

Steve. (Turns away from Grace, angry) If 
you call me Boss or Captain or Governor again, I'll 
make you take back your check. 

Stewart. (Backs azvay quickly) Excuse me. 
(Runs up and off r. d.J 

Steve. (Crosses in front of bench, center) That 
fellow is crazy. 

Grace. Billy is trying to honor you. (Puts bag 
on table — important business) 

Steve. He's called me everything in the world 
except Colonel : the thought of all the money he is 
going to make has gone to his head. Rosenthal cov- 
ered five sheets of paper this morning proving to 
me that I could upset the entire stock market. 

Grace. It hasn't changed you a bit, Stephen. 

Steve. It's changed everyone else. 

Grace. What a good change it has made in 
mother. 

Steve. She's my friend this morning. 

Grace. Everyone is your friend, Steve. (Sits) 

Steve. I guess you're right. 

Grace. You've made everyone so happy. This 
is something you don't know. 

Steve. Ida and Billy are going to be married 
next month instead of in the Spring. 

Steve. They are going to be married because 
they saw that money? 

Grace. That had sornething to do with it. 



62 "READY MONEY" 

Steve. Then they had better wait until Spring. 
(Sits L. of Grace j Don't you know that if that 
money belonged to me, that if I had really dis- 
covered gold, that the first wedding around here 
would be ours ? Every word I told them was the 
truth. I'm not trying to keep them out of a "sure 
thing." That money has nothing to do with my 
mine, and the mine won't belong to me after to- 
morrow. It will belong to Mr. Morgan. 

Grace. Where did the money come from? 

Steve. I can't tell you. It's a dangerous thing to 
even know about. I don't believe I closed my eyes 
all night, and if I did it was to dream of policemen 
and detectives. The entire United States Army 
was after me. That money was given to me last 
night and against miy better judgment I agreed to 
keep it until this mornins". 

Grace. It belongs to Mr. Ives. 

Steve. How did 3^ou guess that? 

Grace. Oh, I know. 

Steve. (Looks at he'"'- miJcklv) You are right; 
it belongs to Mr. Ives. Please don't repeat that. 

Grace. I won't, Steve. Did he want you to 
keeo it ? 

Steve. Yes, and I was curious myself. I wanted 
to see if it would do something. 

Grace. Did it? 

Steve. / should sav it did, 

Grace. I don't understand. 

Steve. I can't explain it to you, but you know 
now that I told th^m the t^u^h. 

Grace. Yes. Where is Mr. Ives? 

Stfve. I'd like to know th^t myself. (Rises and 
ivn.lks left) I teleohoned his hotel. He isn't there. 
(Rises and crosses to left) 

Grace. But he will surely come here for his 
money. (Rises and goes up r. of table and drops 



"READY MONEY" 63 

her muff on chair above table; goes and picks up 
mining literature) 

Steve. I hope so. (Crosses to left of table and 
takes out checks) Now don't you understand why 
they must take back these checks? 

Grace. Yes. 

Steve. With this money I could pay Morgan's 
note. I could advertise, I could buy some new ma- 
chinery. I could make the mine a paying invest- 
ment. 

Grace. (Still holding mining literature) If you 
could make the mine a paying investment with that 
money, why don't you keep it? 

Steve. No. I can't do that. All these boys 
are my friends. These checks represent pretty near 
all thev have. They g^-ave them to me because they 
think Reardon has discovered ,j?old. They're crazy 
now, but thev're not half as crazy as they will be 
to-morrow when they invf^stigate and find Reardon 
.hasn't made a strike. Then they'll demand these 
back, or stop payment. I've got to beat them to 
that. (Puts checks in pocket) 

Grace. (Readinq prospectus) This tells all 
about the mine, doesn't it? 

Steve. Yes. 

Grace. I want to read it all over again. May I 
have one? 

Steve. (Takes one of each circular and puts 
them in large blue envelope zvith ^'Stephen Baird, 
22 Wall Street, New York City'' printed upon it) 
There are two different kinds. I'll put them in this 
envelope for you. It has my name on it, but you 
don't mind that? (Shows her envelope) 

Grace. I like it. 

Steve. It will be neater for you to carry. (Seals 
and hands envelope to her) There. 

Grace. Will you put it in the bag? 



64 "READY MONEY" 

Steve. Are you going to leave it here? 

Grace. Yes, we're coming up again. 

Steve. Oh, good. (Puts envelope in hag. The 
envelope is just a trifle too long to allow the hag 
to close, and he plays with it a moment. After he 
puts envelope in hag, he pulls chair on level with 
hench) We understand each other to-day, better 
than ever before. (He gives up trying to close the 
hag and hangs it on chair) You've been the best 
sort of a girl. 

Grace. How? (Sits on hench while Steve puts 
envelope in hag) 

Steve. In every way. I know your mother 
disapproved of my buying that mine, but ten thou- 
sand dollars meant nothing to me. (Moves chair 
close to her) I wanted to make it a great deal more 
for you. If I should fail now,' I'll have to begin 
all over again. You'll get so used to seeing me 
around, you'll be tired of me. 

Grace. No, I won't, Steve. 

Steve. Are you sure? 

Grace. Very sure. 

Steve. Some one else might come along. (^ Grace 
shakes her head) Well, if they should, I'll tell you 
one thing, no one will ever love you as I do. (Takes 
her hand) 

Grace. Then that's all we need to know, Steve. 
Just so long as we love each other, nothing can ever 
separate us, and the waiting is only a part of our 
happiness. 

Steve. (Pause) We're having a great little talk, 
aren't we? 

Grace. Yes. 

Steve. This money has taught me a lesson. 
More than half the game is the faith money gives 
you in yourself ; the rest is the confidence it inspires. 
in others. Are you listening? 



"READY MONEY" 65 

Grace. (Starts. Turns to Steve j Oh, yes. 

Steve. What did I say last? 

Grace. Are you hstening? 

Steve. Before that? (Grace thinks) I thought 
so, you didn't hear a word I said 

Grace. I heard you, Steve. Oh, yes, I did,, 
but I was thinking of you and me. CSteve looks 
at GraceJ The New Year has started so well for 
us : even thous^h you lose your mine, you have not 
failed. I said you hadn't changed, but you have. 
You've changed a great deal in one day, Stephen. 
^Steve looks at Grace) I want to confess to you,, 
v/hen I first met Mr. Ives, about three weeks ago,, 
I did not like him. I can't explain what it was, but 
I know now that I was mistaken. Your associa- 
tion with him has taught you something. I don't 
blame Billy for calling you Governor and Captain. 
(Laugh) Now will you take my advice? 

Steve. Yes. 

Grace. If you do lose the mine, don't worry 
about it, but go at once into the same business as-. 
Mr. Ives. 

Steve. (Pushes chair back slightly and places 
if so that bag is seen by entire audience. This chair 
is not touched or moved again. Rises and goes 
left) Of course you don't know what his busi- 
ness is. 

Grace. (Goes close to Steve j No, but it 
naturally must be a very substantial, worthy busi- 
ness. Isn't it? 

Steve. I'll tell you what it is some day. In the 
meantime I'll try and save mv mine. 

Grace. I was only thinking of you, Steve. 

Steve. I know you were. (Wall phone rings ^ 
Steve leaves Grace and goes out into corridor) 
I'll answer it, Neil. (^ Grace takes her muff to desk. 
Steve goes to phone) Hello — Hello, Sam. Is it? 



66 "READY MONEY" 

Thank you. I'll tell Grace. (Hangs up receiver) 
(Comes down) Lunch is ready. (^Neil enters with 
telegram and hands it to Steve as he is telephon- 
ing, and exits at once) (Down stage to Grace and 
holds out telegram) Will you pardon me? (Opens 
and reads telegram aloud) From Mike Reardon. 
"Received telegram saying you owned mine. Mor- 
gan people were getting ready to take control. Will 
find out why Morgan wanted that mine if I have 
to dig through to China. Putting on double force. 
Wire quick $500 for payroll. Happy New Year. 
Mike Reardon." I must send him that money at 
once. 

Grace. (Crosses r. in front of Steve J And I 
must go down to my lunch. 

Steve. Just a minute. (Catches Grace'*s hand 
and pulls her hack partly) I had my breakfast less 
than an hour tgo. 

Grace. Sleepy head. 

Steve. No, no. I've been up since six o'clock, 
but I didn't think of anything to eat. Rosenthal 
sent down for something. I'm telling you this be- 
cause I don't want you to think I have lost my 
appetite. I know Morgan won't stay but a moment, 
and then I'm coming down and sit with you. 

Grace. All right, I'll save a place for you. 
(Goes up) Right beside mother. 

Steve. Come here. (Catches her hand) Right 
beside you. (Kisses her) 

Grace. All right, Steve, I'll be waiting for you. 
^Neil enters) Don't bother coming to the ele- 
vator. 

Steve. Neil, look after Miss Tyler. ('Neil and 
Grace exit) f Steve to table, takes out money) 
Of course when I did get money, it had to be phony. 
(Throws it on table) (Takes out checks, reads 
them) 8,000, 10,000, 7,000, 400, $75 — Ida Tyler. 



"READY MONEY" 67 

Forty thousand, four hundred and seventy-five dol- 
lars. Nothing succeeds hke success. (Looks at 
money) 

Neid. (Enters R. u. near door) May I speak 
to you a moment, Mr. Baird? 

Steve. (Goes left) What is it, Neil? 

Neil. (Looks zvild-eyed at money on table) I 
beg your pardon, sir, but I have saved some little 
money, sir ; about a thousand dollars. May I invest 
it with you? 

Steve. Can you beat that? (Walks up to win- 
dow) 

Neil. It's in the savings bank, sir. I can't get 
it until to-morrow. 

Steve. (Relieved) Well, then, you wait until 
lo-morrow. 

Neil. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. If you'll ex- 
cuse me, Mr. Steve, Paul wishes to see you. 

Steve. Who? 

Neil. Paul, sir. 

Steve. Paul who? 

Neil. The head waiter, sir. He's right here. 
(Motions for Paul to enter) 

Steve. (Remonstrating) I don't want to see 
him. 

Paul. (Enters quickly) Ah, Happy New Year, 
Mr. Baird, did you like your coffee this morning? 

Steve. Yes, it seemed a little better than usual. 

Paul. (Never takes his eyes off of money on 
table) I prepared it myself. Any morning you 
send downstairs 1 will attend to your order per- 
sonally. 

Steve. Thank you, Paul. 

Paul. Neil tells me that you make a great lot 
of money in mining stocks. I buy any good stock 
if I can. 

Steve. Have you saved your money, Paul ? 



68 "READY MONEY" 

Paul. Oh, I have saved just a little. I have — 
oh — nearly now fifty thousand dollars. Gentlemen 
for whom I prepare cofifee and attend to personally, 
they tell me sometimes and then I make money. 
I would like to buy three thousand dollars of your 
stock. (^Steve is silent) If you are too busy to-day, 
I will call at your office to-morrow, 22 Wall Street. 
N'est-ce pas? 

Steve. Yes, you do that, Paul. 

Paul. Thank you, Mr. Baird. Thank you. 
Any time, anything you want, you send for Paul. 
(Turns and talks excitedly in French to Neilj Ah, 
mon vieux — c'est epatant — Quelle Veine — Quelle 
Veine. On aura des milliards. Viens chez moi ; 
on va boire a la sante de Monsieur. Mais je te 
donnerai tout ce que tu voudras ! (Both exit R.j 

Neil. (Speaks during Paul''s speech) T tell 
you he is the smartest young man in this country. 

Steve. It's a lucky thing for me it's a holiday, 
or I'd have to take all that money, too. (Biisser) 
(Dozvn to table and picks up telegram) "Send quick 
$500 for payroll." Now where in the world will 
I get $500? 

Morgan. (Outside) Morning, Neil, Baird in? 

Steve. (At sound of Morgan's voice he puts 
telegram in his pocket and picks up the money 
quickly and puts it in his pocket) 

Neil. (Enters r. u.j Yes, sir, Mr. Morgan. 

Morgan. (Pause. Enters r. u. Fur coat, cap) 
Good morning, Baird. 

Steve. Good morning. 

Morgan. Been out? 
, Steve. No. 

Morgan. Nice out; I just drove down in my 
open car. Happy New Year! 

Steve.. (Shakes hands) Same to you. 

Morgan. I shouldn't have left you as I did last 



"READY MONEY" 69 

night, without getting you that money. After I 
got home, I began to think that perhaps you needed 
some cash, but you were all right, weren't you? 

Steve. Oh, yes, I had that quarter. No one took 
that away from me. 

Morgan. Well, you don't need money unless you 
can spend it. (Takes out zvallet) 

Steve. You can't spend it anyway. 

Morgan. What? 

Steve. Nothing! Nothing! 

Morgan. Here's your 500, Baird. Pay it back 
when you can. The first check of the New Year. 
(Note is enclosed with check ) Oh, here's that note 
of yours. I took it out of my safe. We won't 
talk about that to-day. I'll bring my lawyer around 
to your office to-morrow. Here is your 500. I 
wish you could pay this. (Turn right) 

Steve. (Has taken check and quickly sits hack 
of table and writes a letter) I wonder if you really 
do? 

Morgan. Why not? I'd be glad to get my 
twenty thousand, wouldn't I? 

Steve. (Writing letter) You wouldn't rather 
have the mine? 

Morgan. Oh, I just as soon have the mine. 

Steve. Well, you give me until the banks close 
to-morrow afternoon. 

Morgan. Do you think you can raise $20,000 
by then? 

Steve. No, but someone might give me a benefit 
or something. (Has finished letter and addresses 
large-sized envelope) 

Morgan. All right. I'll call you up during the 
morning. Oh, by the way, Baird, I saw that gentle- 
man last night you've been around with lately. 
What's his name? Ives, isn't it? 

Steve. Yes, Jackson Ives. 



70 "READY MONEY" 

Morgan. What business is he in? 

Steve. (Has finished envelope, now endorses 
check to Mike Reardon) Decorating. 

Morgan. Oh, is he? What are you endorsing 
that for now? Are you going to send it away? 

Steve. Yes. (Calls) Neil! 

Morgan. Do you owe it to someone? 

Steve. Yes. 

Morgan. (Walks down right) Oh! Well, it's 
a good plan sometimes to pay old debts. 

Steve. (Puts letter and check in envelope, and 
seals it) That's what I'm trying to do with this. 
An old debt that I'm just beginning to realize 
should be paid. (^Neil enters) Post this in the 
chute outside, Neil. (Puts a stamp on envelope) 

Morgan. (Coming to desk, anxious to see to 
whom, envelope is addressed) I'll post it for 
you. 

Steve. No, no ; I wouldn't trouble you. 
(Hands envelope to Neilj 

Morgan. It's no trouble at all. 

Steve. Hurry up, Neil. (Starts to write tele- 
gram) 

Neil. Yes, sir. (Exits r. u.J 

Morgan. Do you ever hear from Reardon? 

Steve. Once in a while. 

Morgan. I suppose he's getting ready to vacate. 
I've ordered my men to move in to-morrow. 

Steve. Well, don't you move in until Reardon 
moves out. He's working very hard and you might 
interrupt him. 

Morgan. A nice time to begin work : the last 
forty-eight hours ! Do you expect him to do in 
two days what he has failed to do in six months ? 

Steve. It only takes one shovelful to open up a 
pay streak ! 

Morgan. I've heard that from every man who 



"READY MONEY" 71 

has failed to strike it. "When I own Sky Rocket 
I'll talk to you. I may be able to offer you a job. 

Steve. Thanks. 

Morgan. (Up at door) Well, if you should 
happen to succeed in raising that $20,000 before 
the banks close to-morrow, call me up. Good-bye. 
(Exit R. u. Neil enters) 

Steve. Good-bye. (Finishes telegram. Reads 
wire) (Calls) Neil- — "Sending check for five hun- 
dred to cover pay roll." (Calls) Neil! 

Neil. (Standing close to him, speaks very 
quickly) Yes, sir. 

Steve. Oh, there you are. Get this off at once. 
Charge it. (^Neil exits. Cigar btisiness. Looks 
at money. Goes to window — hack to phone. Takes 
phone) He^lo. GVe m.e Plaza 1308. Hello, I want 
to speak to Mr. Jackson Ives — Mr. Baird — What 
difference does it make where I am? — I don't know 
what number this is. I'm at — will you ring his 
apartment. Not in? No, no message. Good-bye. 
(Hangs ut> receiver) (Goes hft, thinking — pause) 
(Buzzer off r. v.) 

Neil. (Re-ent^r r. v.) Mr. Ives. (Exits. 
Closes door after Ives is in) 

Ives. (Enters, stands up r.^ looks at Steve^ 
then comes dozim on a line) You've sold me. 
You've told the police. I know ! But an hour 
ago — the plates — the — paper — tools — everything — I 
threw them into the river. Not a trace remains. 
You have the only evidence. They'll find the money 
on you. (Down to end of table right) 

Steve. Who will? 

Ives. West. 

Steve. W^ho is West? 

Ives. The Chief of the United States Secret 
Service. 

Steve. Well, what of it? 



72 '^READY MONEY" 

Ives. He's been here. You've told him. 

Steve. (Goes to IvESJ I've told no one. Here's 
your money, take it back. 

Ives. It's not my money, it is yours. I never 
saw it before. 

Steve. (Puts it on table) Well, there it is. I'm 
through with it. I dreamed last night I had some 
trouble with that money. 

Ives (Crosses close to Steve^ sneeringly) Only 
dreamed, eh? 

Steve. I can't remember what it was. 

Ives. You didn't dream it out loud to Chief 
West? 

Steve. I did not. 

Ives. Then how did he know? When I ate 
breakfast this morning in the cafe, my rooms were 
searched, f Steve looks quickly at Ives J Oh, they 
-didn't find anything. All the good that did was 
to let me know the bulls were around. Then I 
■spotted my oM friend Wf'st in the lobby. He had 
live men planted around the hotel. 

Steve. Where are they now? 

Ives. Following the wrong taxicab up Riverside 
Drive. 

Steve. Why did you come here? 

Ives. On the one chance that you hadn't 
squealed. 

Steve. You don't believe me? 

Ives. Prove it. 

Steve. I haven't been out of these rooms since 
you left here. 

Ives. That doesn't mean anything. 

Steve. (Points to table) There's your money. 
1 couldn't tell anyone the truth about it. They 
wouldn't believe it if I told them. (Takes checks 
from pocket) Here are forty thousand dollars' 
worth of checks. (Crosses and points to Rosen- 



"READY MONEY" 73 

thal's and Stewart's telegrams on desk)^ Here 
are two orders for eleven thousand. (Picks up 
Rear don's telegram from desk) Here's a tele- 
gram from Reardon. He's puts on a double force. 
I sent him five hundred dollars for his pay roll, and 
nov/ I'm broke ag^ain. (Goes right) 
Ives. Five hundred dollars. 
Steve. Yes, Mr. Morgan lent it to me. 
Ives. To send to Reardon? 
Steve. Well, he didn't know that. I've got 
enough trouble without telling the police. 

Ives. (Takes off high hat, puts it on table. Over 
L. of table. Takes money) All right. I believe 
you. I'd like to have West see this money just 
once. He'd appreciate it. (Facing front, between 
:table and chair zvith Grace's bag upon it) 

Steve. If he should find that money on you, 
w^hat would happen? 

Ives. (Tosses money on table; money has a 
rubber band around it) He'll never find it on me. 
Steve. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! If 
they should find it on you, what would be the sen- 
tence ? 

Ives. Twenty years. 
Steve. If they rhouM find it on me? 
Ives. Thev would have both of us. You'd get 
five years. (Picks money up and tosses if to Baird's 
side of table) 

Steve. (Starts away) I don't want it. I just 
asked that. If they didn't find it at all, what would 
happen ? 

Ives. Nothing. They must have evidence. It 

must be in vour possession, you must be caught 

passing it. They've got to get you with the ^oods. 

Steve. Why don't you destroy it? 

Ives. (Picks up the money again) Destroy fifty 

thousand dollars? 



74 ''READY MONEY" 

Steve. Why don't you go abroad and make 
some more? 

Ives. Do you want to go through with your bar- 
gain ? 

Steve. J made no bargain. You persuaded me 
to keep that money over night. I consented, but 
that was before I reahzed the danger, before I 
reaUzed the enormity of the affair. If secret service 
men are after you, they'll be after me. Does this 
man "West know you? 

Ives. Does he know me? He followed me to 
England six years ago. He will continue to follow 
me. He will never lead me, never. He's spent ten 
years trying to turn me up. Some day I mav allow 
him to do it. All my pals are in prison. It's the 
only way I can be with them. (Looks at hills) And 
I could teach some nice young fellow how to make 
these ! (Indicates hills) 

Steve. Going to start a school? (Goes to Ive's 
right elhow) 
■ Ives. Yes. 

Steve. You're too clever a man to be in jail. 

Ives (Turns on Stevej I know I am. 

Steve. (Backs off to right) I don't mean it 
that way. But to see a man with your brains devot- 
ing his life to making cheap money. 

Ives. (Strides to Steve j Cheap money? It's 
perfect. The silk, the paper, the engraving, the 
execution is superior to the government's. / am the 
greatest counterfeiter in the zvorld. I am an artist. 

Steve. Sh ! Sh ! All right ! 

Ives. (Speaks zvith great pride) Look at that 
picture of Washington. (Telephone bell) (Pauses 
before telephone bell; tim^e to count four) 

Steve. Pardon me. (Goes up back of table) 
Hello^this Mr. Baird talking. What name ? Down- 
stairs? All right. (Hangs up receiver) 



"READY MONEY" j^ 

Ives. (During telephone message, crosses to left, 
admiring bills. Turn quickly when he hears ^'down- 
stairs/' Listens — Pause; looks at envelopes on 
table) Did someone ask you to come to the office? 

Steve. Yes, a Mr. Carter. I know who he is — 
I should have asked him to come up here. (Starts 
for telephone) 

Ives. (Takes Stevens hand away from tele- 
phone) No. Don't do that. (Picks up large blue 
envelope) These are addressed to your office. 

Steve. Yes. What are you g"oing- to do ? 

Ives. You don't want any trouble here, do you? 

Steve. / should say not. What do you mean ? 

Ives. It may mean nothing — ^but to be perfectly 
safe it is better to get this money away from here. 

Steve. I'm for that. Will you take it? 

Ives. Have vou any objection to having it 
posted to your office? 

Steve. To my office? 

Ives. Yes. It won't be delivered to-day. The 
government will guard it for me over night. (Slips 
$50.ocx) in envelope) 

Steve. How did you think of that? 

Ives. (Smiles, seals as he speaks) We have to 
think of a lot of things. (Be very careful to seal 
flap of envelope very securely as it is handled a 
great deal and must not open) 

Steve. No one will ever find it at my office. 

Ives. Why not? 

Steve. No one ever goes there. 

Ives. Have you any stamps? 

Steve. (Indicates small stamp case on table) 
Here they are. How many? 

Ives. (Passes Steve envelope) Only put on 
two. 

Steve. (Weighs envelope in hand) It will surely 
tieed more than that. 



*j(^ "READY MONEY" 

Ives. Two is safer. 

Steve. {Takes two stamps from table) Safer f 

Ives. Then if you don't want to pay the extra 
postage the government will keep it for yon, until 
you do. (Pauses to let this line land) 

Steve. (Looks at Ives, puts on two stamps) 
You're a marvel to me. 

West. (Outside) Grab him. 

Neil. (Runs on r. v.) Mr. Baird! Thieves! 

QuiNN. (A large man of about 45 J (Grabs 
Neil just at entrance, holds in back of corridor) 

Hammond. (Enters r. u., gun in hand) 
(Speaks in a lozv nasty growl) Hands up ! Hands 
up! fpLYNN, U. S. Secret Service man, 45 years 
old, enters, goes at once to IvESJ Put the irons on 
him. (Indicates Ives J (To Steve j Young feller, 
you're under arrest. (^Flynn handcuffs IvesJ 

West. (Chief of U. S. S. S., a man of great dig- 
nity and bearing. Wears cutaway coat and top hat) 
(Enters R. u. To Quinn, who has been holding 
NeilJ Take him out there and give him to Clark, 
f Steve, the moment before Hammond enters, puts 
envelope in left side pocket, and keeps his arm close 
to his side) Well, Walker, old pal, did you think 
we had gone out of business over here, or that we 
had forgotten you? 

Ives. What does this mean? 

West. It's a pinch, old pal. 

Ives. Oh ! You have a warrant ? 

West. I don't need anv warrant for you. (To 
Hammond and FlynnJ Search these rooms. 

Ives. Without a warrant? 

West. Wait a minute. I've always tried to 
humor you. Walker. Fan him. (^Flynn fans Ives, 
finds revolver) f West takes revolver from Flynn, 
gives gun back to FlynnJ I thought so: that's 
about all the warrant I need. Now take him in 



"READY MONEY" ^7 

there and give him a good search. And don't over- 
look anything. 

Hammond (Comes down to IvesJ Hello^ 
Walker. 

Ives. Hello, Hammond, you are looking much 
older. Are you still the money expert ? 
Hammond. Yes. 
Ives. Oh, fancy that. 

West. Take him away. (Ives, Hammond and 
Flynn exit R. i) (Turns to Steve aftei^ exit) 
Your name is Bad. 

Steve. Not Bad — Baird. 
West. You live here? 

Steve. This apartment hdongs to Mr. Welch. 
He is downstairs in the cafe. 

West. (Roughly) I know! I know! 
Steve. Oh, excuse me. 

West. What are you in this for, young feller? 
You're a new one to me. How long have you 
known Walker? 
Steve. W^ho ? 
West. Well, Ives then. 
Steve. Oh, Mr. Ives. About three weeks. 
West. Um ! Now, if you're just starting in to 
be his pal, it's a good- time to Quit. We picked him 
up two days ago. We've seen him around with you, 
but as long as you didn't appear to have any money, 
we had nothing to work on. You fooled us when 
you went over and dined on Eighth A_venue. But 
this morning, we find you've got a lot of m.oney. I 
know it. Now two and two add up and make fou^. 
Walker has furnished you with the money, and you 
have passed it. If you'll tell me the tru^h. I'^^ 
guarantee you immunity. You can sw^^ar that h^ 
gave you the counterfeit to pass and thpt h? to^"* 
you it was genuine, and that you believed him. If 
you'll do that, you'll go free. If you don't, I'll 



78 "READY MONEY" 

railroad you as his pal. When did he give you the 
money to pass. (Crosses Steve to right) (Crosses 
right — pauses and then turns back quickly and yells 
at Steve — 'When did he give you the money to 
passr) 

Steve. (Nearly caught off his guard) He never 
gave me any money to pass. 

West. (Sits left of table) What are you lying 
for? (^Steve silent) (Calls) Quinn! (Turns up 
about three steps on second call and turns at once 
when the shift has been made) Quinn! (^ Steve 
quickly takes money from left pVcket and slips it 
under mining I'.teraturc on right end of table) 
fQuiNN enters r. v.) Tie him up. Take him in 
there and search him. (Indicates room right) 
fQuiNN handcuffs Steve, then Steve and Quinn 
exit R. I. West looks about room) CHammond 
enters l. i, hands West revolver: also has, some 
letters and money in his hand) fWEST takes re- 
volver — automatic, very small) Another, one, eh ? 

Hammond. Uo his sleeve. 

West. Automatic ! Same oM Walker. (Takes 
"money and letters from Hammond j (Holds two 
or three envelopes in h's hand and about IS bills. 
Looks at money) A thousand-dollar bill. (Exam- 
ines money closely) This isn't phoney. It's the 
real stuff. 

Hammond. Yes. 

West. Are you certain? 

Hammond. Absolutely. 

"West. How much is here? 

Hammond. Two one-thousand-dollar bills and 
five hundred — in small bills. 

West. He's probably a rich man — I'll keep these. 
(Puts papers and money in pocket) We've got to 
get the goods on him this time. 

Hammond. Yes. 



"READY MONEY'* 79 

West. Elasn't changed a bit, has he? 

Hammond. Looks younger. (Works this line 
for laugh. Hammond is sore, Ives looks younger 
than himself) (Turns up. West turns up, examin- 
ing IvES^ hat on table, turns dozvn sweat hand) 
How did Walker get out of that taxicab? I saw 
him g'et into it. 

West. He walked right through it into another. 
That's all right, this is the best place to get him. 
It's ten to one the young fellow carries the bank 
roll. That's what I want. (Looks about room, 
goes to mining prospectus, picks one up, reads it) 
Skyrocket! (Throws it down disgusted, starts to 
look between them) 

Hammond. (Has been looking around room, 
sees Grace's bag zvith envelope. Speaks just as 
West is about to ruffle prospectus) Here's some- 
thing with the young fellow's name on it. 

West. (Takes envelope, feels it carefully. Sees 
another envelope on desk and compares them; sees 
they are all alike, picks up knife and opens enve- 
lope. Disgusted at mining literature) Isn't there 
anything around here but that mining stuff? (Puts 
torn envelope in pocket) (Picks up a nezv envelope, 
puts circulars in it and seals it carefully) Put it 
back. Anything there ? (Looks in bag, reads name 
apparently on inside of bag. This bag must be 
empty) "Miss Tyler." Put it back where you 
found it. Go in there and see what the young fel- 
low had on him. No ! Wait a moment. (Looks 
at Hammond^, goes to door l. i, calls) Bring him 
in ! Say yes to the first question I ask you. (Pause) 
(^IvES and Flynn enter l. i ) We found it quick 
-enough this time, didn't we, Hammond? 
Hammond. Yes. 

West. Well, Walker, I'm sorry for you in a 
way, but you might have expected it. The young 



8o "READY MONEY" 

fellow did exactly what they always do, lost his. 
head, became panic-stricken with fear and only 
thought of saving himself. He blew the whole 
story, didn't he, Hammond? 

Hammond. Yes, and he's scared to face you, 

too. 

West. (Center) I should say he is. He put 
the entire thing on you. Swears that you gave him 
the queer and told him it was genuine. He said you 
had a streak of yellow and he was gomg to turn 
you down. Now I'll tell you what you do. You 
tell me that he's lying and that he did know the 
money was queer and I'll see that he gets the worst 
end of it. 

Ives. Thafs old stuff, West. You'll never get 
azvav from those tozcn constable methods of yours. 

West. (To Hammondj Go and get what Quinn 
found on the young fellow. (^Hammond exits r. ij 
(To IvESJ I've got all the evidence I want. 

Ives. I congratulate you, but you must have it. 

West. I'll get it. 

IvES. Oh, then yon haven't got it noivf 

West. (To FlynnJ Take him back. I'll send 
for him. /^Flynn and Ives exit l. i. Hammond 
enters r. ij What did you get? 

Hammond. Here's over $40,000 in checks. 

West. (Takes checks) No money? 

Hammond. (Hands West coin) A quarter. 

West. Ugh ! (Places Quarter on table — be care- 
ful to place it near left end) That's strange. Looks 
as if they had been cleanmg up, but it's a new way 
of working. (Looking at checks) 

Hammond. Yes, and ^ook at the names on these 
checks. 

West. Um ! James E. T^^Vr — the young fellow 
keeps company with the oldest daughter. That's 
her bag there with that mining bunk in it. Big; 



"READY MONEY" 8i 

family. We'll have to keep her name out of this. 
Did the young fellow give Quinn any trouble? 
Hammond. No. But he's worried, believe me! 
West. Tell Quinn to take the irons off, and send 
him here. He may help us locate it; and Ham- 
mond, let him understand that he won't be searched 
again ; then if they've got the money planted around 
here, he'll stick near it, or try to get it back. You 
watch him from in there. (Indicates left room) 

Hammond. (Exits r. i, and at once re-enters 
and exits l. i. Speaks but does not stop zvalking} 
All right. I told him he wouldn't be searched again.. 
("West looks at checks just before Steve t. iters.. 
Goes up in right corner back of mantel. Steve does: 
not see him on his entrance) (Pause — -'Steve en- 
ters R. I. Exercises hands and wrists) 

Steve. (Crosses l., nearly to door, turns, sees 
Westj Oh, there you are. (Sees his quarter on 
table. Picks it up, puts it in pocket) (This busi- 
ness carefully done gets a big laugh) 

West. (Angry and bull-like) Before we tear 
up these rooms, I want to talk to you. Where did 
you get these checks? 

Steve. They were given to me. 

West. What for ? 

Steve. For Sky Rocket Gold Mine Stock- 
Want to buy some? 

West. You sold all that in one day? 

Steve. Yes, sir. 

West. You suddenly sold $40,000 worth?' 
You're a smart little fellow. 

Steve. Oh, yes. 

West. Did you discover gold on this mine? 

Steve. No, sir. 

West. I know you didn't. You've been trying 
to sell that stock for 6 months. Are you going TO 
TELL ME HOW YOU GOT THESE CHECKSf 



82 "READY MONEY" 

Steve. (Takes circular and hands it to West/ 
Read one of these. It explains everything. 

West. I wouldn't read it. I don't fall for that 
stuff. (Deliberately turns away to right. He does- 
this because he knows that Hammond is watch- 
ing) _ _ 

Steve. (Quickly takes envelope urith money 
from under mining literature, puts it in l. hand 
pocket) (^Hammond enters l. i as Steve reaches 
for money, and comes close to Steve J f Steve turns 
L. and confronts Hammond. Pause, both hold pic- 
ture) 

Hammond. (Then quickly goes to West l.J 
You're right. He's got it in his left-hand pocket. 
(Turns up right and back down left) f Steve, as 
Hammond speaks, quickly slips envelope into 
Grace^s bag and zvithdraws envelope containing cir- 
culars and puts them into left coat pocket; keeps 
his hand in pocket with envelope) 

West. (Goes to Steve. Puts hand on Steve's 
shoulder) Now, young fellow, I've got you. You'll 
spend ten years in jail. Think of it — ten years. 
Your whole life will be ruined. Unless you do one 
thing. I don't want you. I want Walker, I've got 
to get him with that money on him. Now I'll call 
Walker in here and you hand him that envelope 
you've got in your pocket and you'll go free, and 
I'll keep your name out of it. Now take your 
choice ; put the money on Walker, or go to jail. 

Steve. (Pauses. Takes envelope from pocket) 
I've got to give him this? 

West. Yes. 

Steve. Is there no other way out of it? 

West. Absolutely none. 

Steve. Will you give me a second to thinks it 
over? 

West. Yes. . . .(Calls) Quinn! ('To Ham- 



"READY MONEY" 83 

MONDJ Take the irons off Walker. Tell Flynn to 
come here. 

Hammond. (Exits l. ij /Ouinn enters l. ij 

West. (To Quinnj fQuiNN goes way left) 
Stand over there. (Indicates l. c. Hammond en- 
ters L. I J Both of you grab him the second he gets 
the money ! (To Steve J Come on ; are you ready ? 

Steve. Yes, I'll do it. 

West. After he gets in here, walk right up and 
force it on him. (^Ives enters l. i with FlynnJ 
f West pauses, nods to Steve to pass Ives envelope. 
Steve goes to Ives, extends envelope to him. Ives 
pauses. Steve turns envelope so that Ives can see 
there are no stamps on it) (^Ives, as if he were 
taking the money which traps him, puts it in his 
breast pocket) Grab him ! f Flynn and Ham- 
mond hold Ives. Turns on Steve, pushes him back 
beside Steve) You're both under arrest! It's 
taken me ten years to do this, Walker, but I told 
you I'd do it, didn't I? 

Welch. (Enters r. v.) What is this? Steve, 
what does this mean ? 

Stewart. (Enters r. u. with Grace and IdaJ 
What's the trouble, Sam? 

Grace. Stephen ! 

Welch. What is it, Steve? What does this 
mean? 

West. These two men are under arrest. 

All. What? What? What does this mean? 
(Ad. lib.) 

Grace. (Alarmed) Stephen! Stephen! (The 
last ''Stephen'' should bring the attention of the 
audience to him) 

Steve. (Fears that Grace may take the bag. 
Looks at it) 

Mrs Tyler. (Enters with Grace and keeps 
close to her) (Looks scornfully at Steve; sees 



84 "READY MONEY" 

Grace^s bag, takes it from back of chair) Grace f 
(Starts to walk r. u. with arm around Grace J (To 
TylerJ Come! (To Ida) Ida! (At door. This 
must be very carefully rehearsed. It gets a big 
round of applause when right) (Exits R. u. with 
Grace and bag containing money) 

All. What does this meart? It's absurd. It's 
ridiculous. 

Tyler. (After others) What does this mean? 

West. (Still holding check) Who belongs to 
these checks? (Reads) Which one of you is Wil- 
liam Stewart? 

Stewart. I am. 

West. Here . . . You've got to give up that 
stuff he gave you for this. (Gives Stewart his 
check. Stewart takes it without understanding 
what it means. Holds check in, his hand just as he 
receives it) 

West. (Reads) Who's Sidney Rosenthal ? 

Rosenthal. I am. 

West. You can thank me for saving this for 
you. (Extends check) 

Rosenthal. (Just about to take it, suddenly, 
then starts, throws up his hands) Wait a minute. 
I know what this is. He tried to make us take 
them back half an hour ago. Look out, everybody. 
These fellows are not regular detectives. Steve's 
hired them to scare us, but we won't take them 
back. 

All. No. (Very confident) 

Rosenthal. We won't take them back. (Very 
confident and positive) (^Stewart presses his check 
back into West^s hands) 

Curtain 



ACT III 

Scene : 22 Wall Street. 
Time : Ten o'clock the next morning. 
Discovered: Miss Elliott, Stewart, Rosenthal 
and WfiLCH seated around the office. 

(^Reddy, the office boy, enters from l. i zvith 
telegram, puts it on desk, exits l. i. All watch 
ReddyJ 

(^Stewart sighs) 

('Rosenthal turns in revolving chair and 
glares at Stewart, who is right of flat desk 
and between roll-top desk and flat desk) 

Stewart. (Pauses; sighs) Oh, dear! 

Rosenthal. (Turns and looks at Stewart^ 
(Seated left of flat desk) What's the matter with 
you ? 

Stewart. Nothing. 

Rosenthal. (Antagonistic attitude of mind) 
What are you Oh, dearing about? Don't you feel 
^vell? 

Stewart. I feel all right, only I'm not as sure 
about this as I was yesterday. 

Rosenthal. (Same tone) If you're scared why 
don't you stop payment on your check ? You notice 
Steve hasn't tried to cash them. When a man 
carries checks around in his pocked and isn't anx- 
ious to bank them, that proves he's not crazy about 

8s 



S6 "READY MONEY" 

taking the money at all. The only thing I'm afraid 
of is that he is still liable to make us take them 
back. 

Welch. (Seated up left center with MargyJ 
We won't do that. 

Rosenthal. I was almost afraid to come down 
here. (To Miss Elliott j Tell him what you 
think alDOUt it, Margy. 

Miss Elliott. (Seated up left zvith Welch) 
Oh, I think everything is perfectly splendid! 

Rosenthal. (To Stewart j There you are,, 
and she's a girl. 

Miss Elliott. (Turning toward Rosenthal) 
What do you mean by that? 

Rosenthal. Nothing. 

Miss Elliott. Nothing? 

Rosenthal. I mean that you're a girl and you 
don't know anything. (Turning to Margy) 

Margy. What? 

Rosenthal. I mean about business. 

Margy. Oh! I'm sorry I appear so stupid. 
(Turns to Welch very sweetly) /Welch moves 
forward in chair) What were you talking about, 
Sam? Come here, f Margy fixes Welch's tie) 
There, that's been worrying me all morning. 

Rosenthal. (Angry. To Stewartj Now do 
you see what you've done sitting around sighing? 
That's the way to start a panic, f Reddy enters l. i 
with open telegram, puts it on desk under paper 
weight, slams paper zueight on telegram, exits L. i) 
(All watch Reddyj 

Welch. (After Reddy exits) Another tele- 
gram for Steve. He ought to be here to attend to 
business. 

Rosenthal. (Trying to make up with Margyj 
Margy said he called up the Tylers' house twice 
this morning. 



"READY MONEY" 87 

Miss Elliott. (Speaks to Welch. Snubs 
Rosenthal^ He did . 

Welch. What did he want? 

Miss Elliott. Grace! 

Welch. Did he talk to her? 

Margy. No. Mrs. Tyler gave orders that if 
anyone should call for Grace to say she was not 
at home. She won't allow Grace or Ida or even 
Mr. Tyler to come down here, and they all want to. 

Welch. What's the matter with her? 

Margy. She thinks something- has happened that 
may reflect upon Grace, and Grace made matters 
worse by insisting that she be allowed to see Ste- 
phen. 

Rosenthal. (Anxious) I don't blame her. 
Wouldn't you want to see me? 

Margy. (Ignores Rosenthal, speaks to Welch J 
He should have called on Mrs. Tyler and explained 
all about yesterday. That man said Mr. Ives and 
Stephen were arrested. 

Rosenthal. (To Margy) You don't really be- 
lieve that, do you? He didn't say a word after I 
told him he wasn't a detective. If Steve hadn't 
asked us to leave them alone, I woul'd have found 
out all about it. 

Stewart. Where was he all last night? Ex- 
plain that! 

Rosenthal. (Angry. Turns on StewartJ I 
don't know. 

Stewart. Oh ! 

Rosenthal. Where was he the night before 
last ? You didn't worry about him then ! It's noth- 
ing for a man to stay out all night. ('Margy looks 
at Rosenthal. Rosenthal sees Margy's look) 
I mean, if he isn't married or something like that.. 
('Margy turns to Welch. Rosenthal rises and 
leans on desk and scolds Stewart. Ready for big 



88 "READY MONEY" 

laugh) Maybe it's just as well if you don't say 
anything more, f Mr. Tyler enters l. i. Hat and 
coat) 

Mr. Tyler. (After laugh) Good morning! 

All. Good morning, Mr. Tyler ! 

Rosenthal. Where's Grace? 

Stewart. Where's Ida? 

Mr. Tyler. (Stands in door) At home! Is 
Stephen here? 

Welch. No. 

Mr. Tyler. Well, how do you feel about things 
this morning? 

Rosenthal. All right. 

Mr. Tyler. (Faces front) I'm glad to hear 
that. Jay Gould said that the first requirement in 
Wall Street was patience. 

Rosenthal. (To Stewart J Did you hear what 
Jay Gould said? 

Stewart. (Looks up) Where is he? 

Rosenthal. Oh-o-o! (Rises and goes up 
stage) 

Mr. Tyler. (Remains extreme left) I forbade 
Mrs. Tyler and my daughter to come here until I 
had investigated matters thoroughly. 

Rosenthal. That's great, what Jay Gould 
said ! (Ida enters L. i ; sees her father, starts 
back) 

Ida. Oh! 

Mr. Tyler. (Back center to allow Ida to enter) 
What are you doing here? 

Ida. I — I came down to see Billy. 

Mr. Tyler. What did your mother tell you? 
Return home at once. 

Miss Elliott. (Goes to Tyler's right elbow) 
Oh, let her remain, Mr. Tyler, please? 

Mr. Tyler. No! 

Ida. I'll tell mother you were here. 



"READY MONEY" 89 

Tyler. (Crosses and sits extreme left. To 
MargyJ She may stay a little while \i she wants 
to. 

Margy. (Right, near StewartJ Come over 
here, Ida. 

Tyler. Maybe it's just as well for us to go home 
together. Where did you tell mother you were 
going? 

Ida. To the hair dresser's. (Left end of fiat 
desk) 

Rosenthal. (Center to Tyler j That let's you 
out. 

Tyler. In a measure. (Sits extreme l., takes 
off rubbers) 

Ida. (At right of desk) What's the matter, 
Billy? 

Rosenthal. (Goes behind flat desk) He's 
going to move that wedding back again to Spring. 

Stewart. Am I? 

Rosenthal. (To Idaj Yes, and Margy will be 
married before you will. He's going back to selling 
real estate on Long Island. 

Stewart. I am not. 

Rosenthal. (Argumentative ) But you're 
scared of your stock, aren't you ? 

Stewart. No! 

Rosenthal. (Same tone) Are you satisfied 
that everything is all right? 

Stewart. Yes. 

Rosenthal. Well, now that you are, I'm going 
to show you something. So you will all see how 
easy it is to be scared over nothing. I'll admit, 
yesterday I was a little suspicious. I know Mike 
Reardon who is in charge of the mine, and I tele- 
graphed him, put it right up to him : "Have you 
discovered gold?" Here's his answer. (Takes 
telegram from pocket, and reads :) "Sidney Rosen- 



90 "READY MONEY" 

thai, 62 West 70th St., N. Y. City. Yes. Mike 
Reardon." 

All. (Go to Rosenthal and crowd round him 
on '^Here's his answer.") Ah! Yes! Oh! 
, Rosenthal. (Pauses; looks at StewartJ Now 
are you going to "Oh dear" any more? 

Stewart. (Does not rise with others) Let me 
see it. 

Rosenthal. (Hands telegram to Stewart j 
(After Stewart has read it) Now how do you 
feel? 

Stewart. (Reading telegram) I wish Mike had 
said something more than "Yes." 

Rosenthal. (Disgustedly ; snatches telegram 
from StewartJ Give it to me ! I asked him a 
plain question : "Have you discovered gold ?" I 
suppose you'd rather have him telegraph, "It's a 
beautiful day. I think I have. Crosses mean 
kisses." (Hold until laugh is over. Read quickly) 
Come on, Margy, we'll go up to my office. (Takes 
Margy center) 

Welch. (Stops them center) Wait a minute. 
I wasn't going to say anything, but I also tele- 
graphed Mike Reardon. I told him I had bought 
a big block of stock, and asked him to wire his 
honest opinion of the mine. Here's his reply : 
(Takes telegram from pocket. Reads as all crowd 
about) "Gallup, Arizona. Sam Welch, 617 Fifth 
Avenue, New York City. Nothing like it west of 
the river. Mike Reardon." 

All. (Crozvd around Welch J 

Stewart. (Turns away disgusted) You can 
take that two ways. (Front of flat desk) 

Rosenthal. (Right of Welch and left of 
TylerJ But you can't take "yes" two ways. Yes 
means yes. Now put the two together. (Points to 
Welch's telegram) What is your honest opinion 



"READY MONEY" 91 

of the mine? (Refers to his own telegram) Have 
you discovered gold? What's the answer? Noth- 
ing hke it west of the river. Yes. A child could 
figure that out. 

Tyler. I understand it. 

HoLBROOK. (Comes center) I also telegraphed 
Mike Reardon and asked him if he had discovered 
gold. Listen to this. (Takes telegram from pocket 
and reads:) "Sumner Holbrook, 521 Broadway, 
N. Y. City. Yes. Mike Reardon." 
' All. (Crowd around Holbrook J Ah! 

Rosenthal. (Goes left — indicates Stewart j 
Try and explain that to him. 

Stewart. (Goes right) Oh, I believe it now. 
Miss Elliott. (Goes to Rosenthal J I wish 1 
had more than a hundred shares. 

Rosenthal. It's all right to begin with. Hetty 
Green started with less than that. (^Mrs. Tyler 
enters l. i ; sees Ida and Mr. Tyler j Good morn- 
ing, Mrs. Tyler ! 

All. (General greetings) Good morning, Mrs. 
Tyler ! 

Holbrook. Everything is all right, Mrs. Tyler, 
I telegraphed for some real information. See here. 
(Reads) Yes ! 

Mrs. Tyler. Pardon me, just a moment. (Cross 
Holbrook fo Ida at left end of fiat desk) I thought 
you were going to the hair dresser's? 

Ida. I was going, but I came down here first to 
see father. 
■ Mrs. Tyler. Where is your father? 

Tyler. (On Mrs. Tyler''s entrance he has tried 
to hide behind characters; reaches door up center 
which is locked, then tries to get away unnoticed 
L. I. Then comes down) Here I am. I was 
standing right up there, and you didn't see me. 
Now we're all here, aren't we ? 



92 "READY MONEY" 

Ida. (Joins Stewart up above desk) Except 
Grace ! 

Mrs. Tyler. Grace is the only one who will obey 
me ! Where is Mr. Baird ? 

Welch. We're waiting for him. 

Mrs. Tyler. (To Welch as she sits) Now, 
Welch, please stand there. (Points to center) 
(^Welch stands before Mrs. TylerJ I would like 
to have you explain to me all you know in 
regard to the extraordinary proceedings at your 
room yesterday. (Goes close to Welch's left 
elbow) 

Rosenthal. Tell her what Jay Gould said. 

Reddy. (Lisps on all words beginning with S. 
Enters l. ij Excuse me, please. 

Welch. What is it, Reddy? 

Reddy. Mr. Baird just called up. 

All. (Ad. lib.) Where is he? What did he 
say ? 

Reddy. He wants to know if you will let him use 
his office for a few minutes. 

All. He did ! Where is he? What did he say? 
AVhy, of course we will. 

Rosenthal. Where is he now? 

Reddy. (Sarcastically) He didn't say. He said 
he was sorry to disturb you. 

Welch. That's all right, we understand. 

Rosenthal. Come up to my office. 

Welch. All right, I'll tell you up there, Mrs. 
Tyler. (Goes left) 

Margy. (-L.) Couldn't we stay here until he 
comes in and say hello to him? 

Ida. (Goes to Margy's left) Oh, yes, I want 
to see him. 

Rosenthal. We'll come back later. 

Margy. Maybe we'll see him at the elevator. 

Stewart. (Crosses quickly to Ida and takes 



"READY MONEY" 93 

her hand) If we do, we won't bother him, we'll 
just say "Hello, Colonel," and go right along. Come, 
Ida. (Exits with Ida l. iJ {'Tyler goes to his 
wife) 

HoLBROOK. Sam! (Exits l. i with Welch ^ 

Welch. All right, old man, I'm coming. 

Tyler. Do you know why I came downtown? 

Mrs. Tyler. Why? 

Tyler. I came down to buy you something. 

Mrs. Tyler. All right, we'll go right out now 
and get it. (Exits l. 1) ^Mr. Tyler picks up his 
rubbers and exits l. i j 

Margy. Hurry, Sidney! 

Rosenthal. Just a second. (^Miss Elliott exits 
L. ij (To ReddyJ Say, Reddy, what did Mr. 
Baird say over the phone? 

Reddy. He just asked if you were here. 

Rosenthal. What did you say? 

Reddy. I told him you were all here. 

Rosenthal. What did he say then? (^Reddy 
hesitates) It's all right, Reddy, you can tell me. 

Reddy. I told him you were all in his office, 

Rosenthal. Yes, and he said? 

Reddy. "Get them to He^ out of there." 

Rosenthal. Have patience. (Exits l. i^ 
^Reddy arranges letters on desk. Buttons coat as 
if office 7t'as chilly. Looks at thermometer on back 
wall, takes it down, looks at it, breathes on it, looks 
up at transom, hangs up thermometer, shuts tran- 
som. Exits L. I. Pause. Steve unlocks cen- 
ter door with key. Holds it open for Ives to 
enter) 

Steve. Come in ! ('Ives comes in and dozvn. then 
right and looks down into street) (Pause b^-fore 
Reddy enters while both men remove coats ni^fd hats. 
Then Reddy enters l. i J Hello, Reddy ! Who w?«^ 
here? 



94 "READY MONEY'r, 

Reddy. (Rattles off names) Mr. Tyler, Mrs, 
Tyler, Miss Ida Tyler, Miss Elliott, Mr. Rosenthal, 
Mr. Welch, Mr. Stewart, Mr. Holbrook 

Steve. (To Ivesj Stockholders. This office is 
about as private as a sidewalk.. What did they 
want ? 

Reddy. To see you. 

Steve. Was Miss Grace Tyler here? 

Reddy. No, sir. Mr. Morgan called up, said 
he'd be over later. 

Steve. All right. 

Reddy. Telegrams and mail on the desk. Tele- 
grams are important. They ought to be attended 
to. 

Steve. I'll call you. 

Reddy. Yes, sir. (Exits l. ij 

Steve. (Goes to Ives, who is at left end of flat 

desk) What sort of a cell did they put you in? 

(IvES^smiles) You were alone at least. They made 

, , fi great fuss over you. I was in a room with a gang 

who had held up an all-night restaurant. 

Ives. Thieves. 

Steve. It was awful. 

Ives. (Looks at Steve — indicates mail and tele- 
grams on flat desk) Here are some letters, tele- 
grams ; you had better look them over. 

Steve. There's something more important now 
than letters and telegrams. I've got to see Miss 
Tyler or get word to her. I telephoned. They said 
she was not at home. 

Ives. Who answered you? 

Steve. A servant. I made a mistake to let Grace 
take that money, but it all happened so quickly that 
I didn't realize what I was doing. 

Ives. It was the only thing to do. It was a clever 
shift, my boy. 

Steve. I'm not proud of it. When Mrs. Tyler 



"READY MONEY" 95 

finds out that we spent the night in the Tombs, that 
will end everything for me. 

Ives. A lot of prominent men have been in the 
Tombs. 

Steve. I can't afford that sort of prominence. 
(Crosses down left) I wonder what they all think 
of me now? 

Ives. (Comes center to Steve J They know 

nothing. West was so certain I had the money in 

tny pocket that he assumed the taciturn manner of 

the detective who has bagged big game. It is only 

when the bull is uncertain that he becomes chatty. 

Steve. Well, he didn't talk much this morning. 
He didn't push his case. I know you talked a lot 
of law to that Commissioner and he knew he 
couldn't hold us, but West didn't have the evidence 
he wanted. I was looking directly at West when 
the Commissioner handed him that speech about 
being over-zealous. West's eyes turned green. He's 
more dangerous than ever. Could you find ?.ny 
mention of this in the morning papers? 

Ives. There was nothing. West is keeping it 
auiet. That's his method. 

Steve. T don't suppose he knows it, but he'd be 
doing me a great favor. I'm glad he waited until 
we got to his office before he ooened that envelope. 
Did you ever see a more surprised man than he was 
when he found that mining literature? (Pause) 
What did you think when I handed you that en- 
velope ? 

Ives. I can tell a safe that's got money in it. 
(Pause) And when you showed me there was no 
stamps in the corner I knew you had gone through 
for me, and if the opportunity comes, I'll try and 
prove to you how grateful I am. 

Steve. You can try right now. Help me to get 
that money from Miss Tyler and destroy Jt. 



96 "READY MONEY" 

Ives. We'll get it from Miss Tyler, but we'll not 
destroy it. 

Steve. It must be destroyed. Do you realize 
that I could have handed you over to the police, 
when you first told me about it. Don't make me 
sorry I didn't. 

Ives. (Speaks with strength) And do you 
realize that I didn't have to tell you about it at 
all; and that I wouldn't have told you, if ypu had 
not told me you were at the end of your rope and 
ready to end everything; and that I told you about 
it, and gave it to you, for your own good, and that 
it accomplished that good? Don't you make me 
sorry for that. Nothing has happened that amounts 
to anything except that you have sold fifty thousand 
dollars worth of stock. 

Steve. (Same tone) That amounts to nothing. 
Miss Tyler has that money in her possession. 
(Pause and change of tone) We have no right to 
fight between ourselves. We must stand together 
and fight for her. Suppose that West starts to 
figure out that she got the money? Do you know 
what it would mean to have her name dragged 
into this? Suppose he found the money on her? 
She'd be arrested, wouldn't she? 

Ives. He would not have released us if he was 
going to think of that. She's the last girl in the 
world to figure in a case like this. 

Steve. Thank you. 

Ives. Now get your mind oflf this for a while. 
Attend to your business. If Miss Tyler is not at 
home, she may be on her way here. Look at these 
telegrams. 

Steve. All right. (Picks up telegrams) Open 
these letters, will you? (Hands Ives letters, reads 
telegram) Baltimore! "Alwavs knew Sky Rocket 
was a winner. Deliver five thousand shares, draft. 



"READY MONEY" 97 

attached to Chemical National Bank. John Mat- 
thews." . 

Ives. (Has opened letter) Here's a long letter. 

Steve. Read it. 

Ives. "My old Pal Steve: I want six thousand 
shares but cannot send the money now." 

Steve. Don't read any more. Here's one from. 
Cincinnati. (Reads telegram) "My dear Steve r 
If you will let me in for five thousand I won't let 
anyone know about it. Deliver stock to Garfield 
Bank. Thomas Bartlett." How did he know? 
That money made a terrible noise. Here's a fellow 
who heard it way out in Cincinnati. Here's four 
telegrams — orders for five thousand, four thousand: 
— forty-five hundred. Up to date I've sold $60,000 
worth of stock and I don't even own the mine. (Sees 
last telegram) Listen to this. (Reads) "Received 
telegrams from stockholders, asking if I had dis- 
covered gold. I don't know what you are doing,, 
old Pal, but I'll string along with you. Answered' 
all in the affirmative. Putting on night shift. Mike 
Reardon." Rosenthal and the crowd have been in- 
vestigating for themselves. 

Ives. Reardon is working! 

Steve. I should say he was. A night shift. 

Ives. If the gold is there for the first time in six- 
months everything is being done to find it. 

Steve. But it's too late. (Sits between desks) 

Ives. (Back of desk) If Reardon had three or 
four days more, working as he is, he'd strike if if 
it's there. 

Steve. But I haven't three or four days more. 
I have only until three o'clock to-day. 

Ives. (Sits left of flat desk) I'll show you how 
to get three or four days more, or six or seven, 
just as you think best. 

Steve. How in the world can I do that? 



98 "READY MONEY" 

Ives. (Picks up circular^ sits l. of desk) Have 
you any money in this Citizen's Trust Co., at Gallup, 
Arizona ? 

Steve. Til see. (Read this for a laugh) (Turns 
to roll tof desk. Looks in pigeon holes. Finds hank 
hook) Here's my book. (Takes hank hook. Looks 
at it carefully) Yes, I have — seven dollars. 

Ives. That's plenty. (^Steve looks at Ives. 
Smiles. Puts down hank hook) Have you a check 
book? 

Steve. Oh, yes, I have a lot of checks. (Looks 
in desk) Here they are. (Gets very large hook of 
checks from drazver — three checks on a page) 

Ives. Good. 

Steve. Good for 7 dollars. 

Ives. (Picks up circular) (Looking at circular) 
Do you know the President of this bank? 

Steve. Oh, very well. He's the whole town. 
He's sheriff and everything. 

Ives. I'll have you telegraph him later. Make 
out check to Mr. Morgan for twenty thousand dol- 
lars. (^ Steve starts to make out check, drops pen 
on $20,000 j 

Ives. Go ahead. That's all right. We'll make 
Mr. Morgan accept it. 

Steve. How? 

Ives. I don't know, but he'll take it. 

Steve. What happens then? 

Ives. It will take three or four days for that 
check to get to Arizona! 

Steve. Yes. 

Ives. In the meantime if Reardon is lucky, he 
can meet it, or you can wire the money to the 
hank. 

Steve. Is that just right? 

Ives. It's just as right as Morgan's intentions 
were when he loaned you twenty thousand dollars 



"READY MONEY" 99 

on a hundred thousand dollar proposition. Or, you 
are simply taking the three days' grace he won't 
allow. Look at it either way. 

Steve. I'll look at it both ways. I think it's 
a great idea. (Writes check) January 2nd. (As 
he writes) How could I get six or seven days? 

Ives. You could send the Citizens Trust Com- 
pany a New York check or the same amount for 
deposit, to cover this. Then that check would have 
to come all the way back here, another three or 
four days, before they find that neither check is 
good. (This line gets a big laugh) 

Steve. (Pauses) I'll be satisfied with three or 
four days. You're a wonder. I can't teach you 
anything. 

Ives. My boy, if you'll listen to me I'll show you 
how to make money. 

Steve. (Rises for laugh — sits again) No you 
won't. (Finishes zvriting check) 

Ives. I mean legitimately. 

Steve. Oh ! 

Reddy. (Enters l. 1) Mr. Morgan is here, Mr. 
Baird. 

Steve. (To Ives J We'd better keep him waiting 
for a few minutes. Make him respect us. f IvE3 
nods his head) Tell Mr. Morgan I'm very busy 
just now. Ask him to wait out there. Ring both 
messenger calls, and look busy. I'll ring for 
you. 

Reddy. Yes, sir. (Exiti.. i) 

Steve. (Pauses, thinks. Reaches for phone) 
I'll try and get Miss Tyler again. 

Ives. Not from here. 

Steve. Why? - 

Ives. I wouldn't if I were you. 

Steve. Tell me why not? 

Ives. Nothing ! Only if West is still watching 



loo "READY MONEY" 

us, he will have some one copper every call to or 
from this office. If you are anxious to see or talk 
to her it might put an idea into his head. 

Steve. I've telephoned her home twice. She's 
not there. 

Ives. Did you ask for her? 

Steve. Of course. 

Ives. Give your name? 

Steve. Yes. Do you think he will watch that 
number also? 

Ives. You should have asked me before you did 
it. . 

Steve. I wish I had. We'll hurry up and get 
rid of Morgan. (Pushes button on desk) I hope 
I don't laugh when I hand him this. fREDDY enters 

L. I) 

Steve. All right. 

Reddy. Yes, sir. (Exits "L. i) 

Steve. (Stamps check with perforator $20,000/ 
It's a good-looking check anyway. 

Morgan. (Entering l. ij Hello, Steve. 

Steve. Hello! (Introduces Ives J Mr. Ives, 
Mr. Morgan. 

Morgan. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Ives, fIvES 
rises) 

Morgan. (Crosses to left end desk, crossing 
Ives J Say, what's all this I hear about Sky Rocket? 

Steve. What did you hear? 

Morgan. That you've sold a lot of stock and 
that you have discovered gold ! 

Steve. Didn't you expect me to ? 

Morgan. Um! When did you find it out? 
(Quickly, and very stern) 

Steve. (To Ivesj When was that? 

Ives. Yesterday. 

Morgan. (Ugly) What time yesterday? 

Ives. In the morning. 



"READY MONEY" loi 

Steve. Yes, in the morning. Yesterday morn- 
ing, in the morning, right along about noontime. 

Morgan. Why didn't you tell me when I lent 
you that five hundred? 

Steve. I just wanted to find out if you would 
lend me five hundred. 

Morgan. Didn't I lend you twenty thousand 
dollars? (To Ives J I put this young fellow in the 
business. 

Ives. (Down c.) Oh, did you? 

Morgan. Ask him. 

Steve. (Still seated between desks) Have you 
got that note with you ? 

Morgan. Yes, but we won't bother about that 
now. I may decide to take stock for it. 

Steve. No, I've decided to take up the note. 

Morgan. I'm perfectly willing to extend it for 
a few days. 

Ives. You won't have to. The note is due January 
7th, isn't it? 

Morgan. January second. But I'd rather wait a 
few days. 

Ives. (Bluff speech to Stevej (To SteveJ 
Didn't you tell me the seventh? (To Morgan J I 
am sure it's the seventh. 

Morgan. (Angry and to show Ives he is wrong) 
(Takes out note, shows it to Ives j Well, there you 
ar€ . .- . January second . . . see for yourself. 

Ives. (Takes note) You're right! (Crosses 
quickly behind Morgan j (Shows note to Steve, 
puts it in his hand and motions to put if on roll 
fop desk out of Morgan's reach) Mr. Morgan is 
right, it is January 2nd. (^Morgan advances to fake 
note) 

Steve. (Takes note. Puts it on roll fop desk and 
extends check to Morgan j Here's your check. 

Morgan. (Has crossed intending to get his note) 



I02 "READY MONEY" 

(Takes check) Strange they don't know of the find 
in Arizona. I telegraphed my man at Safety. He 
wired back no. 

Steve. You should have telegraphed Reardon. 
He would have wired back YES. 

Morgan. (Has been looking at check) Oh, he 
would, eh? Can't you give me a New York check? 

Steve. I could, but it wouldn's be as good as 
that. 

Morgan. (Go up two steps to Ives J Oh, are 
you interested in mines, Mr. Ives ? 

Ives. (At hack of flat top desk) I'm beginning 
to catch the fever. 

Morgan. Baird told me you were in the deco- 
rating business. ("Ives turns quickly to Steve j 
Wasn't that it? 

Steve. That was it, but he's going out of that 
business. 

Morgan. Oh! Well, come out to Arizona, and 
I'll sell you a mine. Fd like to do business with 
you. MR. Ives. 

Ives. I'd like to do business with you, MR. Mor- 
gan. 

Morgan. Thank you. (Goes to i.. i) Any time 
you don't know what to do with your money, come 
and see me. (Crosses l. Grace enters l. i. Mor- 
gan raises hat to GraceJ Good morning, Miss 
Tyler. 

Grace. Mr. Morgan. 

Morgan. Good morning. (Exit l. ij 

Steve. (Goes quickly to Grace — Center) (Ives 
comes down quickly to l. of GraceJ Grace, I tele- 
phoned you twice. ^ 

Grace. I knew it was you, Steve. Mother has 
been so unreasonable. 

Steve. Did .you find an envelope in your bag 
yesterday? * 



"READY MONEY" 103 

Grace. Yes. 

Steve. Where is it? 

Grace. I have it. I would have returned it to 
you yesterday, but mother kept me with her every 
minute. Here it is. (Takes envelope from hag, 
gives it to Steve. Envelope must not he taken from 
hag after 2nd act) (^Ives is just left of Grace J 

Steve. (Looks closely at envelope) You didn't 
open it? 

Grace. No. I was just about to open it when 
I saw the stamps. What became of my envelope 
with the mining literature? 

Steve. That gentleman you saw yesterdav has it. 

Grace. Who was^he, Steve? What did he mean 
by saying you were arrested ? 

Steve. Sh sh ! Everything is all right. 

Grace. Oh, I was startled for a moment, and 
poor mother she was frightened right back to the 
s^me wav she felt ?bout you on New Year's Eve. 
She v/as determined I should not see you. (^Reddy 
enters L. I, very frightened and trying to warn 
Steve ) 

Hammond. (Enters L. 1) Good morning! 
(Pushes Reddy aside) 

Steve. Good morning, Mr. Hammond. (Throzvs 
envelope on flat desk. Pause. Turns, picks up 
large check hook, hank hook, and envelope contain- 
ing money) Reddy, put these in the safe. 

R.EDDY. (Crosses to desk. Gets envelope, check 
hook, etc.) Yes, sir. (Exit to l. i) (^Hammond 
smHes very slightly as Reddy passes him) 

Steve. Anything I can do for you, Mr. Ham- 
mond ? 

Hammond. I just dropped in to see you. 

Steve. I'm glad you did. Do you know Miss 
Tyler, Mr. Hammond? (^Hammond nods to 
Grace j And Mr. Ives, — oh, you know Mr. Ives. 



I04 "READY MONEY" 

Of course. How is Mr. — I can never think of his 
name — oh, Mr. West! 

Hammond. (Significantly) He's well. 

Steve. I'm glad of that! Mr. Ives has missed 
him this morning. 

West. (Enters l. I, envelope in down stage 
hand, opened at corner to show money) Good 
morning! .(To HammondJ Open that door and 
tell Flynn to get the car ! 

Hammond. (To center door, opens it, speaks to 
Flynn J Get the car. (^ Flynn is seen by audience) 

West. (Bows to Miss Tyler. Goes to door l. 
I. Opens it) Pardon me. Miss Tyler. Will you 
please step into this office for a moment? (Speaks 
off L. I to QuiNN j Quinn, place a chair there for 
this young lady. (^ Grace has gotten the idea to do 
as she is told from Steve, who nods slightly to her 
and takes her left. She exits l. i) If either of 
you men make one move to get away, I'll drop you 
in your tracks . Understand that, Hammond ? You 
played a pretty clever trick on me yesterday, aided 
by Miss Tyler. You're a couple of fine gentlemen 
to switch the evidence on to a girl ! 

Steve. (Close to West J That's plenty. We 
know exactly what we did. If you will allow Miss 
Tyler to leave here at once, Mr. Ives or myself will 
tell you anything you wish to know. We must come 
to an understanding ; her name must be kept out 
of this. 

West. Why didn't you think of that yesterday? 
No ! You thought you could outwit me ; all you 
succeeded in doing is to implicate her beyond any 
chance of retraction. 

Steve. If you mention her name in connection 
with this case 

West. (Has torn off corner of envelope) Will 
you admit you passed some of this money? 



"READY MONEY" 105 

Steve. No, I told you that yesterday. 

West. Did you put this money in her bag ? 

Steve. Yes. 

West. Where did you get it? (^Steve is silent 
— determined to defend Ives J Where did you get 
it? 

Ives. I gave it to him. 

West. You admit that, Walker? 

Ives. Yes. 

West. Now we are getting somezuhere. (^ands 
envelope to Hammond, who goes to extreme l. ij 
Open that! (To Ives and Steve j You could have 
done this yesterday and saved yourselves a lot of 
trouble. (To IvesJ Walker! (To Steve as he 
pushes him up stage ) Stand over there. (^Ives ad- 
vances to West. Steve goes right and down be- 
tzveen desks) Do you admit that this money is 
yours f (Points to money Hammond is examining) 

Ives. Certainly it is mine. 

West. All right, if it is yours, I zvant you to 
take it. f Hammond, after he takes envelope from 
West, stands left of West, opens it, examines 
money closely zvith a magnifying glass. Goes to 
West and taps him on left elhozu just as West 
speaks the line — "I want you to take it" — and goes 
■left again once) 

West. (Irritated) What is it? (Turns, looks 
at Hammond, follozvs him left) What do you 
want ? 

Hammond. (Speaks in undertone, indicates the 
money in hand, in surprise) It's the real stuff! 

West. What! (Takes 49 hills) (^Hammond 
retains one hill) Give me that glass. (Takes glass 
from Hammond, pushes him slightly up stage so 
that he can zvatch Ives, examines money, appears 
nonplussed, turns, and speaks to IvesJ Where did 
you get this money? 



io6 "READY MONEY" 

Ives. (Takes two one thousand dollar hills from^ 
his pocket) Th^ same place I got this, which you 
took from me yesterday, had in your possession 
twenty- four hours, which you knew was genuine, 
and which the Commissioner made you return to 
me this morning. 

West. (Looks at genuine hill in Ive^s hand, then 
at 49 hills he holds) Let me see that again. 

Ives. (Indicating hill) This? 

West. Yes. (Passes West one hill) Certainly. 
fWEST crosses to right, examines money, laying it 
on desJsj compares hills. Takes plenty of time. 
Pauses. Looks quickly up at Steve^ zvho has heen 
holding down lever of seal. Lets it fly up. Noise 
startles him, he hacks up, hits chair and falls into 
it. West glares at Steve, turns to IvESJ 

West. Why did you give this money to Mr. 
Baird? 

Ives. It was an investment. 

West. Oh, it was? Then why did he hide it^ 
answer that? 

Ives. Why did he hide it? Didn't you break in 
on him yesterday, arrest him, search him and tell 
him it was counterfeit money? He believed you, - 
that's the only reason why he hid it. 

West. Why didn't you explain that yester- 
day ? 

Ives. I wouldn't explain it to-day, but for Miss 
Tyler. Don't you realize that these two young 
people are engaged and you are throwing up a 
barrier between them? Why don't you ask Mr. 
Tyler where he got his money? Why don't you 
arrest every one in New York and make them ex- 
plain where they got their money? Did you think 
that money was counterfeit? 

West. Yes. 

Ives. Can't you tell? (Turns to Hammond — 



"READY MONEY" 107 

goes to him) I thought you were the expert of the 
service, Mr. Hammond ? 

Hammond.. I've never been fooled yet. 

Ives. I've heard that. Then you can settle this 
for Mr. West in a second. (Gives Hammond the 
other hill) 

Hammond. (Takes hill) I know this issue. 

West. I'm" satisfied with my own judgment. 

Ives. (Goes after West, strong) (Betzveen the 
detectives) Of course you are. I'll tell you how 
you made your mistake. You figured Mr. Baird's 
sudden rise to property and his association with me 
as meaning only one thing; that we were working 
together. You couldn't understand how he sold 
forty thousand dollars worth of stock in one day, 
but you had the checks to prove it. Is it anything 
remarkable to find 50,000 dollars in a Wall Street 
Ofifice? 

West. But he told me he hadn't discovered 
gold. 

Ives. (Same tone, talking him off his feet) He 
must have discovered something. People don't give 
up money for nothing. If that is counterfeit money 
your idea is that Mr. Baird would attempt to pass 
it. Has he ? Come now. I've let you have your 
way long enough. If you think that money is 
counterfeit, keep it and take me with it. // you 
helieve it is genuine, return it, and leave us alone. 

West. (Looks at Ives. Pause. Crosses to 
Hammond, takes tzvo hills from him, speaks in un- 
dertone) Get out of here. (Hammond exits l. i j 
(^West arranges hills carefully, hands them to Ives) 
All right, Walker, old pal, here it is. 

Ives. (Takes hills) Thank you! (^West turns 
L. j Just a moment. I want to count this. (Smiles) 
No. I'll trust you. 

West. Thanks! (Turns l.^ goes to door l. i^ 



io8 "READY MONEY" 

turns) Say, listen, Walker. I'm not crazy to send 
you to Atlanta. You'd disorganize any jail in the 
world. (Exits l. I j 

Steve. (Pauses, looks at Ives^ crosses quickly to 
him, turns him around) Do you m^ean that that 
money was really good? 

Ives. (Holding hills) Good! It is the best 
fnoney I ever made. But I'm through with it. 
(Tears half of it at. a time) I won't have the work 
of a lifetime doubted. 

Steve. But you've destroyed the two genuine 
Hlls. 

Ives. They were all the same. (Puts money in 
his pocket. Grace enters l. i quickly) 

Steve. Grace, I'm sorry to have kept you wait- 
ing. 

Grace. (Speaks as 6'teve is speaking) Steve, 
you're in trouble. I know it. You can't keep it 
from me any longer. Tell me the truth, no matter 
what it is, let me help you. (PHONE RINGS) 

Reddy. (Enters l. i. Quickly zvith telegram) 
Mr. Morgan on the phone. Telegram ! 

Steve. (Goes r.) Give it to Miss Tyler, please. 
^Reddy gives telegram to Grace and exits) 

Steve. Open it please, (Goes to phone) Hello, 
yes, hello Mr. Morgan, f Grace has opened tele- 
gram, reads, starts) 

Grace. Stephen ! 

Steve. (At phone) What's the matter with that 
check? 

Grace. (Very excited) Stephen, listen!? 

Steve. (At phone) All right, V\l be there. 
(Hangs up receiver and listens to Grace J 

Grace. (Read in a clear, loud, surprised tone) 
"Mr. Stephen Baird, 22 Wall Street, New York 
City. Have just opened richest pay streak ever dis- 
covered in this section. Wire quick how you knew 



"READY MONEY" 109 

It twelve hours before I struck it.?" (Hold during 
laugh) 

Steve. (Looks at Grace J What does it really 

say? 

Grace. Just that. (Hold during laugh) 

Ives, f Ives comes dozun l. of Grace j (Crosses, 
takes telegram from Grace, reads) Mike Reardon. 
It's true, he struck it the last day. (Hands tele- 
gram fo Grace J 

Steve. (^ Steve crosses to Grace, takes out 
checks) Ten . . . eight . . . seven . . . five . . . 
thirty thousand dollars. (Hands them to Ives j 
There's your 50 per cent. 

Ives. (Takes them) Thank you. 

Steve. (Turns to Grace, takes out quarter, gives 
it to her) Don't ever lose that, Grace. That's my 
lucky quarter. (Takes telegram from Grace. Reads 
it. Starts. Pause. Looks at Ives j Did you send 
this? 

Ives. (Laugh) No! 

Steve. Oh-o-o! (Turns to Grace. Puts tele- 
gram before Grace^s face and kisses her) 

Curtain 



FURNITURE 

Acts I and II 

Two pedestals 

One console table 

One writing desk 

Six single chairs 

One side armchair 

One library table 

One settee about 26 inches long, the length of 
a chair. It must be able to slide under 
centre table 

Paper basket 

Curtains with valences at windows, also lace 
curtains 

One large carpet — covers entire stage 

Also roll curtains in windows, also shally cur- 
tains if wanted. This allows a good night 
effect without any trouble to get lights 
perfect. 

PROPERTY PLOT 

Acts I and II 

One large silver tray 18 inches long. 

Two highball glasses on tray 

One silver holder for quart bottle of whiskey, 

on tray 
One bottle of mineral water in silver holder, 

on tray 
One bowl of cracked ice, on tray 
no 



"READY MONEY" in 

One ice spoon or tongs 

Eight small white cards with red ribbons at- ^ 

tached 
One match holder 
Three holly wreaths for windows 
Two sofa cushions 

One ink stand and writing set and material 
One telephone with long cord 
Six small pieces of gold ore 
One magnifying glass 
•One stamp holder 
Three rugs at doors 

One ladie's bag, very important prop as it must 
be long and narrow to contain an en- 
velope 8 inches long and allow about i 
inch of this envelope to show at top 
Two good looking leather wallets for Morgan 
and Ives 

Cigarettes 

Three check books, different colors 

One telegraph rate book 

Two pair of handcuffs, filed so as not to lock. 

One small pocket revolver, automatic, which 
would fit in vest pocket 

Two .38 blue-steel, hammerless revolvers 

One 25-cent piece for Steve — very important. 

Holiday greens to decorate Second Act. 

One silver cigarette box on desk up left which 
would hold about 50 cigarettes 

Effects for New Year's Eve noise on street : 

One large iron bar 

One deep-toned bell 

Factory whistle 

Four horns < 

Four rattles 

Four cowbells 

Fixtures for fireplace 



112 "READY MONEY" 

One guard ring 

One pair cuff links 

Vases, etc., to decorate mantel and to dress the 
set. About 60 mining circulars of about 
8 pages reading, large type on front and 
. back page. ' "Skyrocket Mine," Stephen 
Baird, 22 Wall Street, New York City. 
These are very important. About 30 blue 
envelopes about eight inches long, printed : 
"Stephen Baird, 22 Wall Street, New 
York City." Very important prop. 

Fifty-two bills to represent one thousand bills. 
These are destroyed at each performance. 
Very important prop 

Stamps 

ELECTRICAL AND LIGHT PLOT 

Acts I and II 

Two stand ]i,e"ht off left for moonlight. Act I. 
Two stand light off left for sunlight, Act II. 
Four wall brackets, fancy, with silk shades 
One telephone bell box in drawer of table 
One telephone with long cord 
One bunch U^ht off r. i and l. i and R. u. 
One strip above double entrance r. u. 
One blue and white strip under windows 
One buzzer off r. u. ; for outside door 

PROPERTY PLOT 

Act III 

One wall thermometer 

Six mining maps — framed and on walls 

One hundred old letters for pigeon holes o^ 

roll top desk 
One check perforator 



"READY MONEY" 113 

One seal or extra large self -inking stamp for 

Steve 
Twelve business-like books 
Gold ore 

Large blue prints 
Writing set 
One bank book 

One large check book, three checks to oage. 
One large number calendar, January 2nd 
Telegrams for characters, two on desk at rise 
One telegram in envelope for Reddy to give 

Grace 
Other teleg^rams Reddy brings in open 
Western Union envelooes for telegrams 
Pads of telegraph blanks 

ELECTRICAL AND LIGHT PLOT 

Act III 

One telephone on roll top desk 
One telephone box in drawer 
Batteries for same and a practical push but- 
ton on flat desk to rine buzzer off l. I 
Strip lights and French lis^ht wav down stage 
for sunlight outside of window, right 

FURNITURE PLOT 

Act III 

One large roll top desk 
One flat desk to match 
Two swivel chairs 
Three chairs 
One bench 

One large flle of drawers 
One small table 
All to match 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




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